


You Clicked Your Heels And Wished For Me

by orphan_account



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Alternate Universe, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Car Accidents, Eventual Happy Ending, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Getting Back Together, Grade a parenting, I hope it's accurate, I spent hours researching this, Implied/Referenced Abortion, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Memory Loss, Oral Sex, Past Relationship(s), Post-Break Up, Temporary Amnesia, This is confusing, Vaginal Sex, sorry I'm bad at tagging
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-21
Updated: 2018-05-26
Packaged: 2019-05-09 23:06:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 34,480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14725349
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: It's just an ordinary day when a stranger with brown hair and an East Coast accent stumbles into a diner in Foyil, Oklahoma. Nobody knows where he came from, least of all he himself. All he can remember is a name. Just five letters. Frank.A while later he starts to dream of a beautiful man with a bright smile, dark hair and a scorpion tattooed to his neck. There's a wedding band on his finger, so that has to be his husband... right?





	1. Introduction

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone, welcome to my latest plot-bunny :)
> 
> Please feel free to comment, I really would like to get some feedback on this.
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own anything, this is a work of fiction and all I get out of it are sleepless nights and an ego boost ;)  
> I have included pictures into the work itself for the very first time. Those aren't mine, either, I've found them all over the internet. They are supposed to fuel your imagination, but once again, this is purely fictional, any connections between the images and actual places/people are unintentional.

It was dark and freezing. The trees around him seemed to blur before his eyes as he fought his way through the brushwood. His head was pounding, his ears were ringing and his body felt horribly heavy. He was so tired. Actually he would have loved nothing more than to just collapse and sleep, but a tiny voice in the back of his mind insisted that he might not raise again if he did. So he pushed onward and stumbled through the dark, snowflakes clouding his vision and the chilly wind biting his cheeks. Had he been at his best, he would have wondered why he was out in this weather without a hat or gloves or just anything but a coat to keep him warm, but he definitely wasn’t. Every now and then a sudden bout of dizziness would hit him out of nowhere, nearly sending him tumbling to the ground and the shaking of his limbs didn’t make it easier.

 

All at once a light appeared to his left and lit up the dark around him. He desperately tried to focus and figure out what it was, but that only made his world spin a little more. Suddenly the light, that had been moving at a steady pace in front of him, slowed down and came to a stop. Something told him that he had to reach it at all cost, lest he was left alone in the dark again. So he mustered all the strength he had left and broke through a few thorny bushes until he found himself out in the open, beside a wide road and behind a battered pick up. Now that the trees didn’t provide protection any more, the snow fell considerably thicker and the wind turned it into a downright blizzard. He wrapped his arms around his belly, trying in vain to shield himself against the cold, and looked around. The vehicle was parked on the emergency lane and a dark figure was standing at the cowl, apparently taking a leak. Due to the snow drift it was hard to make out any details, but it seemed to be a pretty big guy, 6ft tall at least and a little obese. Definitely intimidating. When the guy finished his business and opened the driver’s door, loud, angry music sounded through the winter night and was cut off again within seconds.

 

He shivered violently. It didn’t take a genius to estimate his chances of survival if he stayed where he was. Who knew when another car would come this was? Nobody would leaver their house voluntarily in this weather! It was now or never. His mind made up, he climbed onto the bed and nearly would have fallen off when the driver accelerated. He could have sobbed with relief when he discovered the canvas, that covered some cargo he couldn’t quite make out in the dark. Lying down, he crawled underneath the taut tarp and squeezed himself inbetween what turned out to be cardboard boxes. This was so much better. It was still cold, but at least he had gotten out of the wind and it was dry in his hideout. That was when his vertigo set in again. Coupled with the pick up’s slight swaying in the wind, he felt like being on a boat, everything was waving. He grew dizzier by the second until there was nothing but blackness.

 

~~~

 

When he woke up again, the first things that registered, were the pain in his muscles and the fact that he was chilled to the bone. Next he realized that the pick up wasn’t moving any more and that daylight shone through an opening at the bottom of the canvas. With a groan and a lot of effort, he crept out of his hiding place and looked around. He spotted a few houses, but it seemed to be a pretty rural area. A broad street, that looked like a highway, was right behind him, the occasional car passing by. The pick up was parked in front of a small wooden building. Big black letters announced that it was called ‘Top Hat’, but judging by the fact that there was only one other car besides his involuntary driver’s, it seemed to be a quiet day. Alright, maybe ‘car’ didn’t quite do it justice. ‘LSD on wheels’ was more like it. He had a feeling that he had never seen so many colors in one place. Was that a unicorn above the tire? And a camel on the driver’s door? Only looking at that beat-up van made the dull pressure in his skull turn into a vicious throbbing, but to his surprise he did kinda dig it.

He had no idea how he made it off the bed and towards the bar or whatever it was, but eventually he reached the porch. Before he could knock on the door and ask for help, it opened and a tall, obese guy in a black leather jacket and a cowboy hat walked past him without a second glance. He dragged himself through the door and nearly sobbed with relief when a wave of warmth washed over him. It felt so good, that his knees turned into jelly and he collapsed to the ground. There were voices around him and somebody hoisted him up and propped him up against a wall, but he couldn’t focus on anything if his life depended on it. All he knew was that he had made it back to civilization and that he probably wouldn't freeze to death in the back of beyond.

Little by little he came back to himself and blinked a few times until his eyes adjusted to the dim light. The room was revetted in wood panels and the furniture gave him 50s vibes. Old photographs lined the wall and there was a small bar in the corner. Finally he noticed the two women, who stood in front of him and looked at him with matching expressions of worry. The elder one had short white curls, watery brown eyes and wore thick glasses and a huge apron. She was maybe 5ft 3, give and take and might have been in her seventies or eighties. The other was a little taller with long, wavy gray hair, a headband and a long dress in flamboyant pink patterns. She bit her lips while her blue eyes watched his every move. She seemed to be around sixty years old, if he were to guess, although he didn’t really trust his own judgment. Somehow there was a disconcerting lack of reference material.

 

“Hello… uhm… I’m Tilda and this is Wanda”, the younger of the two saw to the introductions. He opened his mouth to reply when it came crashing down on him that he didn’t know what to say. “What’s your name, sweetheart?”, Wanda asked him, but he could only shake his head and shrug helplessly. He had no idea. There was just a huge blank in his head. In fact, he didn’t remember _anything_ before the forest and the snow. How was that even possible?! “Where are you from?”, Tilda tried again, but to no avail. No matter how hard he focused, he couldn't come up with a response and it freaked him the fuck out. Apparently he had lost his memory and judging by the distinct lack of snow outside, he was miles, maybe even states away from home. Wherever ‘home’ was. God, if this was a nightmare, he wanted to wake up! Wanda and Tilda exchanged alarmed looks before the elder one murmured: “How did he even get here?” Finally, a question he could answer: “Climbed up that pick up outside. Think I passed out.” Talking was a little difficult, he was still shivering and now that he was somewhat safe, his fatigue had returned with a vengeance. “Oh, that must belong to the gentleman from Texas, he just left before you came in”, Tilda explained readily. Texas? Wasn’t that kinda… warm? No, that couldn’t be. “There was blizzard”, he ground out while he fought the lost battle against his dropping eyelids. “A blizzard? That can’t be, there’s no snow in Texas this time of the year”, Wanda voiced his thoughts. “That’s right, and besides, you don’t sound like a southern guy. More like east coast, I’d say”, Tilda agreed. Unfortunately that didn’t ring a bell either. He was so screwed…

 

“I don’t know where I’m from. Can’t remember”, he said weakly and wiped his running nose on his sleeve. His throat felt a little sore and his headache was getting worse. Apparently he was falling sick, but that was hardly surprising considering the way he had spent the night. “What do you mean, you can’t remember? Have you lost your memory? Entirely?”, Tilda exclaimed incredulously and he nodded, grateful that she had caught on so quickly. “Don’t you have an ID, honey?”, Wanda chimed in and a spark of hope flared up in his chest. However, all he found in his pockets were a pack of Marlboro Red Lights, a lighter, bubble gum and a single key on a plain black lanyard keychain. That wasn’t helping at all. Why didn’t he have a wallet or a phone!? “What date is it?”, he wanted to know, but the 13th of March 2014 sounded just like every other day since he had no context at all. He buried his face in his hands and noticed two things. Firstly, there was a wedding band on his left hand. And Secondly, something on his forehead hurt like a bitch. He eagerly pulled off the plain golden ring and searched for an inscription, but there was absolutely nothing. Jesus, what had he ever done to deserve this?!

 

“Ow”, he murmured and gingerly touched his temple. It felt like his hair was baked with dried blood. That explained a lot, apparently he had hit his head pretty badly. “Don’t. We’ll have to take care of that”, Tilda said and pushed his hand away gently. “So you don’t remember _anything_? Not even a name?”, Wanda asked him again. He closed his eyes in defeat and tried once again to pull something out of the void in his head. Actually he didn’t believe that it would work, but suddenly it was there. A single word, just one syllable. “Frank. That’s all. Just...Frank”, he whispered and was rewarded with kind smiles from both women. “Well then, Frank, let’s get you cleaned up. Come on, you can stay with me for the time being, we’ll figure something out”, Tilda proposed and with combined efforts they got him out of the bar and into the garish van.

 

~~~

 

‘For the time being’ turned into a month. Frank Doe, as the townsfolk had taken to call him, slowly got used to the country life. He was stranded in Foyil, Oklahoma, a small town of approximately 350 people. His arrival was probably the most exciting thing to happen around there in years and everybody was falling over themselves to help in any way possible. Before the end of the first week, he had been given enough clothes to fill the old wardrobe in Tilda’s guest room to capacity, a few pairs of shoes, an old Nokia phone and toiletries to last him a year at least. The lady, who ran the city hall, even managed to get an ID with Tilda’s address, his new name and the date he had shown up as his birthday. She also sent a photo of him to the Claremore Police Department, but nobody had filed a missing person’s report, that matched him.

 

So he stayed at the little farm with Tilda and her pugs Jimi and Hendrix and helped her to the best of his ability. It had quickly become apparent that he hadn’t done much physical labor in his previous life. He acted like he was born yesterday the first time he tried to chop wood and even though he got along really well with the dogs, it took him quite a while to learn how to handle the twelve chicken, three goats and two old cows. The gardening part was a bit easier, even though he didn’t know anything about it. Tilda grew all kinds of vegetables, there were three fairly large greenhouses behind her house. Tomatoes, cucumbers, peppers and a few chilis, salad, strawberries and all kinds of herbs. As soon as it would be warm enough, there would be potatoes, pumpkins, squash and all kinds of berries on the fields, as well. It was a lot of work and she was more than grateful for his help.

 

A month turned into a year and Frank Doe nearly felt at home in this little town on route 66. It was a simple life, but he was content. He loved the quiet farm and the gaudy house, that looked like something out of a fairy tale. Bright colors covered every inch of it except the roof, that was made of simple gray shingles. Even the chimney was painted pink, red and yellow. It matched its owner, who turned out to be a hippie to the core. Tilda was from San Francisco and had been there when the movement started. She had even helped organize and attended the legendary Woodstock festival and he was so fucking jealous of that! But he loved the old photographs of her days in the scene, that were distributed all around her house. The elder lady was in all honesty the kindest, most laid back person in town (he couldn't very well say that she was the chillest woman he had ever met, since he actually didn’t know that for sure). Her way of expressing herself through bright colors and 60s music wasn’t just a facade, even now, at 65, she still lived her ideals. Frank had never heard her raise her voice, she was a fierce pacifist and a supporter of the LGBTQ+ community. She was a vegetarian, a devoted fan of Stevie Wonder, the Beatles and Jimi Hendrix (what a surprise) and, as he found out pretty quickly, a pothead.

However, he really wished that he had something to tell about himself whenever she brought out her old photo albums and relived her past. He had gradually found out a few things about himself, but it wasn’t nearly enough to fill the void in his head and in his heart. Apparently he was addicted to cigarettes and caffeine, allergic to cats (there had been an awful afternoon full of sneezes and tears in Wanda’s living room. She had _six_!) and afraid of needles. The day he had arrived, Tilda had offered to take him to a doctor to get him stitched up, but he had outright refused. He would not go willingly near a hospital, he might not know much, but he knew that _that_ would end with a needle in his arm. Nope. Not happening.

 

Except for that he was a pretty average dude. He had brown hair, that had grown to his shoulders by now, a beard he was too lazy to shave off, and his once pale skin had tanned a lot during summer, he guessed that he had ancestors from either South America our southern Europe. What little free time he had with all the work around the farm, he spent drawing. It calmed him and it was the best way to deal with his weird, convoluted dreams. He never remembered much, only glimpses and peeks of things he didn’t understand. And the more he tried to grasp them, the faster they ran through his fingers. But there was one crystal clear image, that returned to him nearly every night. A man with dark hair, a scorpion tattooed to his neck, sparkling hazel eyes and the most brilliant smile Frank had ever seen. If only he knew who that guy was!

 

Even during daytime this mysterious person was never far from his mind, but that wasn’t the only thing that haunted him. Sometimes he would look at a random object and experience a strange sense of déjà-vu, but without the flashbacks, that were supposed to go with it. Every time he saw a spider, he had a feeling that it meant something to him and that it had something to do with his John Doe, as well. The same happened when he found an old guitar in the attic or when certain songs played on the radio (especially ‘Superstar’ by the Carpenters, even though he actually liked rock music a lot more than their stuff). Halloween was just weird, but not nearly as bad as the one time Tilda had taken him to Tulsa for the 4th of July celebration. It had been such a sensory overload, by the time the marching band had come along he had felt like his head was going to burst and had hidden himself away in a quiet corner of the park with Jimi and Hendrix until the worst was over.


	2. Don't You Know Who I Think I Am?

Samantha Moore stood outside Tulsa International Airport and checked her watch for the fifth time in ten minutes. Trust her aunt Tilda to be late. She loved that old lady with all her heart, but she was horribly out of it on occasion (usually concurring with her consumption of various plants or parts thereof). Samantha, or Sam, how she preferred to be called, was a young woman of 21 years, who had just returned from a year in China and Japan, where she had traveled a lot, learned from local artists, and earned money by selling her art on the streets and doing a few temp jobs. But now she was back home to enroll in the summer semester of Kendall College of Arts and Science here in Tulsa to get her Master of Fine Arts.

   
She had always wanted to become a comic book artist and couldn't wait to finish her studies and move to New York or Los Angeles, where she hoped to pursue her dream. But for now Sam had promised her aunt to come visit her for a few weeks. She yawned and looked around for Tilda’s crazy van once again. 14 hours of time difference and a flight of fifteen hours made for a horrible jet lag. She was pretty sure that she looked like hell. Her usually silky, long, bright purple hair was tousled and tried to escape the messy bun on top of her head and the dark circles around her blue eyes became more prominent by the hour. Finally her aunt’s van came into view and Sam managed a tired smile. She gathered up her two bags and her huge suitcase, which wasn’t easy considering she was only about 5ft 3 tall.

 

About 45 minutes later they finally arrived and Sam dragged herself out of the van. She could already hear her bed calling her, even though it was like four in the afternoon. When the front door clunked shut behind them, she sighed with relief and greeted Jimi and Hendrix, who were jumping around her and barking happily. The house was just like she remembered it: wild, chaotic, colorful, with hundreds of photos, paintings and mirrors lining the walls, a faint smell of pot in the air and all kinds of random items stuffed into every corner. “Come on, sweetie, I told you that I took in a man, who lost his memory last spring, right? Let me introduce you to him, then you can go lay down before dinner, okay?”, her aunt proposed and she nodded before she shuffled after her into the living room. Sam smelled coffee. Whoever he was, the guy was already scoring points, the way to her heart was through coffee, music, art and oreos. Simple as that. Her aunt stepped aside and she caught sight of a middle aged man with long brown hair, a full beard and light brown eyes. His nervous smile revealed weird little teeth and he fiddled with the hem of his plaid shirt.

 

Sam froze. She couldn't believe what she saw. How… _How_ was that even possible!? It had been a year, an entire _year_ since his accident and nobody had ever seen him again! She knew him, of course she did, how could she not? His music was what had gotten her through high school and he was one of her biggest idols when it came to comics! Her heart nearly beat out of her chest and she literally couldn’t breathe, but she managed to whisper: “Oh my God… _Gerard_?” Because, holy shit, Gerard fucking Way, frontman of My Chemical Romance, was standing in her aunt’s living room! Judging by the look on his face, her words caught him somewhat off-guard. “Wait, what’s the matter with Frank?”, her aunt wanted to know. Alright, time out… _what?!_ Did she miss something? Because she was 100% sure that his name was Gerard, thank you very much!

 

“As I said, he lost his memory. All he remembers is the name Frank and the face of a man I don’t recognize. He’s drawn a picture of him, over there, you see? None of the people we’ve showed it to could place him either, but we think that it has to be his husband. It’s the only thing, that makes sense, they don’t look like brothers and he’s wearing a ring, so…”, Tilda explained matter-of-factly. Jesus Christ! Sam felt a little dizzy when this new bit of information was dumped on her. So Gerard had amnesia, believed that he was married to Frank Iero and had taken on his name since it was the only one he remembered!? If this was an episode of a hidden camera show, she didn’t find it funny! Her gaze locked onto the picture of Frank. It was spot-on, down to the nose ring and the scorpion tattoo on of his neck. She really didn’t know what to say, she was by far too tired for this and already felt the beginnings of a killer headache at the back of her skull. 

 

“Then I probably mistook you for someone else. Sorry. Uhm… I’m Sam”, she forced herself to say. Gerard didn’t buy it, she could see it in his eyes, but he took her offered hand and replied: “Frank, but you already know that. Nice to meet you.” Oh God, she had to bite back a sob at the sound of his voice. He was still talking from the side of his mouth and his Jersey accent was unmistakable. It was him, no doubt about that! Sam managed a shaky smile and murmured: “Likewise. Uhm… sorry, I’m knackered, I’ve been up for 30 hours, I really need to sleep. Let’s just get to know each other tomorrow morning when I’m actually capable of having a conversation, okay?”, she yawned, gave her aunt a hug and fled from the living room as fast as she could get away with. 

 

On the way to her room, a photograph of Gerard and her aunt caught her eye and she quickly looked over her shoulder before she took it with her. As much as she wanted to pass out until the next morning, this couldn’t wait. When she took the picture out of the frame, she discovered a date on the back. 3/22/2015. Of course. The two were standing in front of the world’s largest totem pole, which was Foyil’s biggest (and only) tourist attraction. Sam carefully snapped a photo of it and took a deep breath before she opened her Instagram account. Thank God it was possible to contact Gerard’s brother this way, she really could do without a public twitter post to Mikey and her phone number all over the internet. 

Sam rummaged around in her suitcase for her pajamas and quickly got ready for bed. Somehow she expected her phone to ring every second now, but logically she knew that it would take Mikey a while to even see her messages. Whether he would actually call her was a completely different matter, maybe he thought that the picture was a fake. She bit her thumbnail while she waited for a reply and tried to stay awake, but before she knew it, she was fast asleep.

 

It was dark outside when her phone went off and she woke with a start. The bright red numbers of her alarm clock indicated half past eleven. Apparently her aunt had let her sleep through dinner, but Sam was still totally whacked, even after seven hours of sleep. Since it was an unknown number, she really hoped that it would be Mikey. Oh God, she never would have thought that she would ever talk to him in person! She took a deep breath, accepted the call and said: “Hello? This is Samantha Moore.” There was a beat of silence before a grumpy voice answered: “Mikey Way. I really hope for you that you’re not shitting me, as well.” Huh. That wasn’t what Sam had been expecting. As far as she knew, the bassist had always been a shy and friendly guy, this was definitely new, but then again – losing one’s brother was bound to have a great impact on a person.

 

“Listen, I realize that it sounds crazy, but I came home today and met a man, who looks and sounds exactly like your brother. He’s been living with my aunt for about a year, no one knows where he came from and he’s got amnesia. That’s all I know so far, I guess I’m gonna find out the details tomorrow. But here’s the thing: all he remembers from his past is the name Frank and a face. I’ve seen a drawing he made of it and it’s definitely Frank Iero. I don’t know about you, but I’m pretty sure that it’s Gerard”, she tried to explain. Now that she had said it out loud, it sounded even more ridiculous. “Oh you gotta be kidding me! If this is a weird and twisted way to confirm your frerard conspiracy theories, you can fuck off and leave me the fuck alone!”, Mikey hissed and Sam flinched violently. Seriously!? He might be one of her idols, but he would _not_ talk to her like this!

 

“You know what? Sorry for bothering you! I know that you probably have a lot on your mind right now with your record being released next month, but I figured that you might want your brother back! I’m gonna tell him who he is and what happened, but it’s up to you whether you want to be present for that! Just give me a call when you’ve gotten your shit together. And don’t worry, I _will_ mention that I talked to you and you didn’t want anything to do with him!”, Sam retorted. She all but yelled at him, God, she was so pissed! In all honesty, if this was what she got for her efforts, she would have chosen an uninterrupted night’s sleep over a conversation with Mikey Way. Wow. She never would have believed it if someone had told her that only an hour ago.

 

Gerard's brother seemed to be rendered speechless by her outburst. The ensuing silence was tense and pretty awkward, but Sam refused to break it. After all it was _Mikey_ , who needed _her_ help, not the other way around. “Where are you?”, he asked after a while, marginally friendlier. “Foyil, Oklahoma. I can pick you up in Tulsa if you text me when”, she made a peace offering and heard Mikey sigh on the other end of the line. “Alright. I’ll see what I can do”, he agreed. That was a load off Sam’s mind and she smiled for the first time since she had entered the house this afternoon. “Okay. See you soon, I guess”, she murmured and bit back a huge yawn. “Yeah. Bye”, Mikey replied and hung up. Jesus, if his attitude was permanent, this was gonna get interesting. One would think that he were in a better mood with his EP dropping next month. Whatever, first things first, Sam saved his number and added a picture to his contact. No matter how things went, she had gotten Mikey Way’s personal phone number out of it. That was a definite plus.

 

~~~

 

In the afternoon she parked her aunt’s van right outside Tulsa International Airport. Here she was again, who would have thought. It had been surprisingly easy to talk Tilda into lending her the vehicle, Sam was really thankful for that. Gerard, however, had seemed really tense when she had peered into the kitchen this morning, therefore she had avoided him, hidden in her room and only gone for breakfast after he had left to check on the greenhouses. Her phone buzzed with a text from Mikey, who told her that he was ready to go. She replied quickly and asked him to look out for the gaudiest van in the parking lot. Of course she could have waited for him inside and shown him the way, but she was still moping a little after last night’s conversation.

 

A knock on the window pulled her out of her thoughts and she quickly jumped out to greet him. Mikey wore a thick black coat, sunglasses and a dodgers hat, no surprise there. Sam couldn't see much of his features, but even though his usual poker face was firmly in place, he was practically oozing skepticism and the small bag in his hand couldn’t contain much more that one or two changes of clothes. He wasn’t planning on staying. “Thanks for coming”, she greeted him. Mikey nodded and eyed the van in what she interpreted as a mix of horror and fascination. “My aunt is a hippie. Wait until you see her house”, was all she said to that and held the passenger door open for him. He climbed into the seat (and she was pretty sure that he murmured something about why it were always him under his breath). Sam chuckled to herself. They hadn’t had a very good start, but now that she was relatively well rested, she could definitely see the humor in a famous rock star being taxied around in such an off-key jalopy.

   


The drive was silent since the radio didn’t work and neither one of them wanted to make conversation. As she drove down Route 66, she glanced over at him from time to time. Mikey was horribly tense. His hands were balled into fists and the muscles in his jaw were clearly visible as he gritted his teeth and furrowed his brow. Suddenly she questioned herself. Was it really a good idea to bring those two together like this? It was too late to back out now, but a strange sense of foreboding had Sam’s stomach drop. She prayed to God that she hadn’t made a huge mistake. Happy endings were for fairy tales, she had learned that the hard way.

   
The moment the house came into view, Mikey murmured: “What the hell...”, and gaped at it. Ha, they had managed to crack his poker face! Sam felt incredibly accomplished. On their way to the porch he addressed her for the very first time since she had picked him up: “How did you even recognize him?” Oh, please! Seriously, _that_ was the first thing he wanted to know? Sam could have spent the entire drive telling him the story of how his brother had ended up here, her aunt had filled her in during breakfast, but no, he had decided to ignore her. And _now_ he asked her? Such an irrelevant question? Sam was already fed up with him again and wordlessly pulled up her sleeve before she shoved her wrist under his nose. Across a mess of red and white scars the words ‘No kid should ever feel like they deserve the cuts on their wrists. - Gerard Way’ were tattooed all over her forearm. Mikey froze and stared at her torn skin until she dropped her arm and opened the door. Yes, she was pretty good at the silent treatment, as well.

 

~ Mikey’s POV ~

 

Mikey sighed and looked around the hippie den. Seriously, how could anyone without color blindness live like this?! He didn’t dare sit down anywhere and tapped his foot impatiently. Why had he let himself be roped into this again? It was gonna be a waste of time and money anyway. There wasn’t a single day he didn’t feel Gee’s loss, but ever so slowly he learned to live with it. This wasn’t helping, he had to stop getting his hopes up again and again, only for them to be crushed every single time. God, this year had been awful, he had no idea how he had gotten through it without relapsing, being hospitalized, killing himself, or a combination thereof. That was when a drawing in the midst of this monstrosity of a living room caught his eye and his heart missed a beat. It was Frank, no doubt about that, but that wasn’t what made him pause. Mikey knew Gerard’s style just as well as his voice and he was about 90% sure that this was his work. But that was impossible!

Two approaching pairs of footsteps made him look up and suddenly the world stopped turning. Hot tears sprang to his eyes and a strangled sob tore out of his chest when he met his brother’s gaze. God, _it was him!_ Gee stood in the doorway, clad in a flannel and dirt stained jeans, with tanned skin, a horrendous beard and his hair in a ponytail. Mikey had never been asthmatic, but right now he felt like having an attack, he literally couldn’t breathe. However, even though his body was out of it, he noticed that something was off. Gerard furrowed his brow and eyed him in confusion. There was no recognition in his expression, he looked at Mikey like a stranger. That was when the first tear fell and rolled down his cheek. “Excuse me, but should I know you?”, his brother asked him and Mikey felt his heart break. This was the cruelest thing he had ever experienced, not even their grandmother’s death had upset him so much. How often had he dreamed of the moment he would meet Gerard again? But instead of them clinging to each other for dear life, he got an empty shell, a stranger, who couldn’t place him at all.

 

“Yes, you definitely do”, the girl murmured quietly, Mikey had already forgotten her name. Oh God, he had treated her like shit even though she had only tried to help! What the hell was wrong with him!? He was still struggling to focus and shove his self-disgust aside when his brother took a tentative step towards him and extended his hand. Gee’s eyes took in Mikey’s face, but there was nothing, no spark of enlightenment, no sudden change in his expression. Just curiosity, hesitation and awkwardness. This took ‘devastating’ to a whole new level. “Can I hug you?”, Mikey ground out and threw himself into his arms the moment his brother shook his head yes. He buried his face in the crook of his neck even though he was the taller one, wrapped his arms around his waist and pulled him close. The moment his smell of cigarettes, coffee and one day too many without a shower registered, the dam broke and Mikey cried his heart out. Gee stood stiff as a poker, but Mikey couldn't care less. “Oh God, we thought you were dead or kidnapped or…”, he managed to say inbetween his desperate sobs. One thing was for sure – he wasn’t letting go anytime soon. And he would never let this fucker out of his eyes again.

 

“Uhm… I’m fine? But… sorry, _who are you?_ ”, Gerard asked him after a while. Fresh tears clouded Mikey’s vision and the lump in his throat wouldn't let him speak, but the girl explained: “He’s your brother, his name is Mikey.” Gerard shuddered at that and whispered: “Really?” He sounded like a scared little child and it killed Mikey. When he nodded into Gee’s shoulder, strong arms came up around his back and held him carefully. It was at this moment, that Mikey vowed to get his brother back, no matter how. He had the means to get him the best doctors, the best treatment, whatever it took. The fact that he remembered Frank was all he needed to have hope. It was all inside his mind, they only had to find it and he would be there every step of the way.

 

An eternity seemed to pass before they pulled apart. Mikey was still incredibly agitated, but he dried his eyes on his sleeve and tried to compose himself. He could count the times he had cried since high school on one hand. The day his grandmother had died, after the break up of My Chem and the day Alicia had left him. That was it, until now. But he felt like the unexpected return of his brother was a damn good reason to cry.

 

“Hang on, so you _do_ know me?”, Gee said out of nowhere and turned around to face the girl in the doorway. She nodded and grinned sheepishly. “I do. But here’s the thing: your name isn’t Frank. It’s actually Gerard”, she explained and Mikey was treated to a very rare sight. His brother being rendered speechless was about as frequent as him bursting into tears. “She’s right. Gerard Arthur Way. You never liked the middle name, it’s our grandfather’s. Your friends call you Gee. Or Geebear. Or Uncle Jiggy. Or Drama Queen, depends on the occasion”, he added helpfully. “I’m not a Drama Queen!” Gerard huffed indignantly and Mikey couldn't help but chuckle at that. “ _Now_ you sound like yourself”, he said and grinned when his brother rolled his eyes.

 

“Jesus, I’ve got a headache! This is so weird, you know more about me than I do!”, Gee murmured and massaged his temples. “Why don’t you show him around a little while I make coffee?”, the girl proposed and Mikey vowed to apologize to her as soon as he got her alone. She really didn’t deserve the way he had treated her. But for now he followed his brothers up a flight of stairs in a check board pattern into a zebra hallway. The owner of this house had to have invested a fortune in paint and brushes, this was insane! Gerard opened a door to his right and Mikey stopped dead on the threshold.

The room was pretty tidy, extremely so by Gee’s standards. A colorful carpet clashed with the bedspread and the curtains and the teal walls were nearly entirely covered in sketches and doodles. And they were basically all of Frank! 2007 Frank, to be exact, his hair was growing out and his lip ring was missing, but the nose ring was still there. Fuck, this was creepy! If he hadn’t known better, he would have thought that this bedroom belonged to a crazy stalker fan, Frankie’s face was all over the place. Mikey took a few tentative steps forwards and looked around, a little overwhelmed and at an utter loss for words. Now that he really paid attention to it, there were a few other pictures inbetween the Frank parade. A couple of zombies here and there, some vampires and even a castle, that was similar to the one they had used for their merch in the early days. He also discovered a drawing, that looked conspicuously like Vanya from Umbrella Academy and another, that resembled Pepe, the marching skeleton.

 

“What was your name again… Michael?”, Gerard asked him after a while. “Yeah, but you called me Mikey from the beginning and so does everybody else by now”, he replied, still taking in the sheer incredible amount of sketches around them. Gee nodded and raised his hand to carefully caress the biggest picture, that showed Frank’s upper body in a hoodie, his grin splitting his face in half. “Please tell me who he is. That’s all I want to know”, he murmured, totally lost in Frankie’s eyes, a tender smile playing on his lips. Wait… What the fuck was going on?! Mikey hadn’t seen such a look on his brother’s face in a very long time and he felt goosebumps erupt all over his body. He was missing something and he had a feeling that this conversation was going downhill at breakneck speed. “That’s Frank. Frank Anthony Iero Jr.”, he explained wearily and frowned at the look of utter confusion Gerard sported just a heartbeat later. “Why Lero? Yearo? Eyero? Oh, fuck it! Why didn’t we assume the same name?”, his brother exclaimed in dead earnest. Mikey could only gape at him. Somebody wake him from this nightmare! Gee could not possibly mean what he thought he meant!

 

“We _are_ married, right? You know, I’m pretty sure that I’m bi, not gay, but I love this guy. I remember absolutely nothing from before I climbed up that pick up, but I’m sure about it. He belongs to me. I just know”, Gerard confirmed his fears. Mikey had never been so grateful for his poker face before. What a goddamn mess! Where was he supposed to even begin to explain this? And what would it do to Gee? To pretty much take away his lifeline? That one firm belief, that kept him going? What if it broke him? “Where is he? Why didn’t he come with you?”, his brother pried further. Mikey swallowed hard and fought hard to keep his voice from shaking when he explained: “He doesn’t know that I found you, yet. I didn’t want him to get his hopes up, had to make sure it was actually you first”, he saved himself with a half-truth, but he was still blanking on how to break the news of his actual relationship status to Gerard. He was so screwed.

 

“Will you call him?”, his brother begged him, puppy dog eyes and everything. Fuck! Oh God, he was wracking his brains for a way out of this mess, or at least something to buy him time to figure things out. Finally he said: “Look, I will, I promise, but he’s really busy with his project right now. He’s been working really hard on that and it’s only two more days. Can you wait that long? If I call him now, he’s gonna drop everything and come running here. You really don’t wanna know what a ruckus that would cause, let him wrap it up, he won’t go anywhere.” To his relief Gee nodded and dropped it. Man, Mikey had never walked on egg shells around him like this before! “Okay, but why the name?”, Gerard demanded to know more emphatically. Damn. Why was it always him? Mikey sighed heavily, buried his face in his hands and decided to tell the whole fucking story from the start. He would just get it over with.. Quickly, like a band aid, right?

 

“You might wanna sit down for that”, he recommended and collapsed into an armchair while Gee slowly climbed onto the bed and eyed him wearily. Mikey didn’t even know where to start, but eventually he manned up and stated: “Alright. So… we were in a band. Frank, you and me.” He should have known that it wasn’t like his brother to listen patiently and wait for the entire story. “What kind of band?”, he chimed in immediately. Just typical. “Don’t freak out, please. You’re a musician, a singer. Frank was our rhythm guitarist and I was the bassist. There were a few others, as well, we were… we were fucking _awesome_. You’re a rock star, man, we played Madison Square Garden, Wembley and a few huge festivals”, he tried to break it to him gently. Apparently it hadn’t worked since Gee gaped at him like a fish.

 

“You’re shitting me, right?”, his brother whispered with eyes as wide as saucers and trembling hands. “I’m serious, I swear! We were even nominated for a Grammy and an American Music Award”, Mikey added. Given the way all color drained from Gerard’s face, that might not have been his best idea. “Oh my God, this is fucking with my head! Can we just… I need some time to stomach this”, Gee whispered. He looked like he was about to faint. Mikey immediately recognized the opportunity to escape before the conversation turned back to Frank. That much for the band aid. He firmly told himself that this wasn’t cowardice, but a tactical retreat in order to come up with a way to set things straight without upsetting his brother too much. Yeah. Definitely. “I’ll be downstairs if you need me, okay?”, he said, gave him an awkward pat on the back and hurried out of the room as quickly as possible without running.

 

When he closed the door behind him, he rested his forehead against it and sighed quietly. This was a mess of epic proportions. What the hell should he tell his parents? Or his sister-in-law, for that matter? He should have fucking known that there was gonna be a catch. Simply coming here and taking his brother back home with him would have been too good to be true. It wasn’t even seven o’ clock yet, but he was already done with this day. Someone held a steaming mug of coffee under his nose. “Come on, I’m gonna show you to your room”, the girl offered quietly and he followed her like a lost puppy down the hall and into a small guest bedroom. The walls were a weird mix of green and teal, in the corner he discovered a blue seat shaped like a hand and the ceiling was painted in a white and green check pattern. He counted at least seven potted plants, three lamps and about a dozen figurines, but most importantly there was a single bed, covered in a fluffy white fake fur bedspread. It looked like heaven. Mikey drained his cup, returned it to the girl and collapsed face first into the mattress.


	3. Thnks fr th mmrs

_He smiled at him._

_He rolled on the floor laughing._

_He ran through the summer rain with his nearly transparent shirt sticking to his skin._

_He held an entire pack of Twizzlers in his hand and tried to eat them all at once._

_He whispered: ‘I love you, Gee.’_

_He kissed him._

_He carefully sank down on him in the back seat of a car._

 

Frank Doe jolted awake, sat up in bed and buried his face in his hands, fragments of his dreams still haunting him. It had been different this time. Not just short glimpses at a face, more like little scenes from a movie he used to know, but hadn’t seen in forever. Maybe those had been memories, that were beginning to surface? Oh, he desperately hoped so! He groaned when the throbbing in his skull registered. Ever since that guy had shown up completely out of the blue the day before, he had a constant headache. Suddenly it all came rushing back. Not Frank Doe. Gerard Way. A guy with a brother, a band and a beautiful man for a husband. He looked up at his drawings and smiled to himself. Frank Anthony Iero Junior. It suited him. How often had he lain here and wracked his brains for his name! However, it still bugged him that it wasn’t Frank Anthony _Way_. Actually F-… _Gerard_ didn’t consider himself a traditionalist, but he felt like a married couple should share the same last name. Plain and simple, for everyone to see. But maybe Frank had only kept his as a kind of… stage name?

 

God, the rock star thing still crept him the fuck out! Never in a million years could he walk out on a stage and sing in front of thousands of people! Gerard loved singing, no question about that, but only to himself in the shower or while he worked on the fields and no one could hear him! Anyway, maybe they had decided to keep their marriage out of the spotlight? If Mikey really hadn’t fucked with him, they were a pretty big deal. The press would probably have a field day if two members of a famous band tied the knot and their fans would go crazy. Maybe they had kept it under wraps because of that? If he were a musician ( _huge_ ‘if’, mind you), he wouldn't want the gossip about his personal life to distract from his music. Yeah, that made sense. Gerard sighed and got up before he grabbed a change of clothes and headed to the bathroom. Mikey would know.

 

His brother found him a few minutes later, standing out on the porch and having a smoke. He held out a cup of coffee and Gerard instantly decided that he definitely liked this guy. Mikey had even added creamer and sugar, just the way he liked it. “Thanks. Sleep well?”, he murmured and bit back a moan of pleasure at the taste of his life elixir. “Yeah, but I’m starving. I missed dinner ‘cause I passed out pretty much right after our talk”, his brother explained with a bashful smile. Gerard chuckled at that and offered him one of his Marlboros. “Oh man, you’ve always had a bad influence on me, dude! I quit a year ago!”, Mikey exclaimed, but he grabbed one nevertheless. It was nice to stand out here with him in the morning sun. It felt right.

 

“So you don’t remember me at all?”, his brother wanted to know after a while of comfortable silence. Gerard could tell that he tried very hard to keep his voice light, but he sensed the hurt and disappointment underneath. His heart clenched and he closed his eyes for a moment. As if he had a say in it! As if he wouldn't do literally anything to get rid of the void in his head! Gerard got it, he really did. Mikey had probably expected him to be the man he had known all his life when he came here, but try as he might, he couldn’t give him that. He could have sworn that yesterday was the first time he had ever set eyes on that guy, but something told him that they had history. Just a gut feeling.

 

Gerard shrugged and said: “You do seem kinda familiar, as if I knew you, but I don’t. This is the ultimate brainfuck.” When he looked at Mikey, he stared straight ahead, cradling his empty coffee mug to his chest with one hand and finishing his smoke with the other. “Has your hair always been this… weird?”, Gerard asked him after a while and eyed the shaved sides and the messy stands of bleached hair with nearly equally long brown roots. His brother snorted at that and stated: “Oh, that’s really conservative by my standards. Trust me, I’ve had worse.” Huh. Maybe that was why Mikey’s face still didn’t ring a bell. Or maybe something was missing? Like, glasses, for example? Whatever.

 

“You know, there’s so much I wanna ask you, I can’t even decide where to start”, he murmured and gulped down the last of his cooling coffee before he placed the mug on the banister next to him. “Shoot!”, his brother offered and Gerard took a deep breath before he began hurling questions at him.

 

“How old am I?”

“37. 38 next Thursday.”

“Where did we grow up?”

“Jersey. Born in Summit, raised in Belleville.”

“Where do I live now?”

“L.A., just like me.”

“What about our parents”?

“Still in Jersey. Our mom’s name is Donna Lee, she’s a hairdresser, and our dad, Donald, is a service manager at a car dealership. We’re half Italian, by the way, in case you wondered why you tan so easily.”

“Do you know what happened to me?”

 

Mikey sighed heavily at that and scratched his neck before he answered: “Partially. You had an accident on Route 380. The weather was horrible, you car must have swerved, it was found in the bushes on the other side of the road. There was blood on the stirring wheel, the door was open and your bag was still there.” Oh God, that made sense! So that was how he had hit his head and why he had been running around without a hat and gloves in that weather. “The first thing I remember is a forest. There was a blizzard, I climbed up a pick up when I found a road and the driver stopped to take a leak. I’m pretty sure I passed out after that. Then he took a break here, at Wanda’s diner, and I made it inside. Tilda was there for some reason and she took me in”, Gerard explained and Mikey only shook his head.

 

“I never would have looked for you here! The police searched the forest, but they didn’t find anything, the snow had destroyed all evidence. They told us that you had probably frozen to death somewhere when you hadn’t shown up after a week. At first I thought that you had been forced off the road and kidnapped, but there was no ransom demand. I put your picture all over social media, but that obviously didn’t help”, his brother completed the tale. It was a lot to take in, but Gerard was incredibly grateful that the huge blank in his past was gradually filled, even though it was just information instead of actual memories. He would take what he could get and hope that some of it triggered him somehow and he remembered something soon. “Have you met Tilda yet? Come on, I’m gonna introduce you, you’re gonna love her”, he proposed and ushered Mikey back inside. He could only take so much at a time and besides – it was March, he was freezing his balls off.

 

~ Mikey’s POV ~

 

Later that day Mikey played with the dogs in front of the house. Jimi and Hendrix. He definitely liked the names, even though the connection two pugs had to a guitar legend was kinda lost on him. They eagerly chased the stick he threw for them, their tongues hanging out of their mouths and their tails wiggling wildly. Mikey closed his eyes and inhaled the cool, crisp air. It had been a very long time since he had been anywhere so quiet, pure and peaceful and even though he was no country guy by a long shot, he could see how Gerard could be happy here. Speaking of his brother… He turned around and shook his head when he caught sight of him mucking out a stable at the other side of the house. Jesus, if anybody had ever told him that one day he would see a pitchfork in Gerard’s hands, he would have died of laughter. He quickly fumbled for his phone and snapped a picture. There was no way anyone was gonna believe this without proof.

Mikey tossed the stick again and watched the dogs chase after it when it occurred to him that he actually couldn’t tell anybody about Gee. At least not yet. His parents had never known about Gerard's feelings for Frank, how was he supposed to explain to them why his brother was suddenly convinced to be married to him? And bringing his wife into the picture was completely out of the question, that would mess up this already horrible situation even more. Somehow he would have to find a way to tell Gerard the truth before anyone could know. Mikey sighed. Gerard had said that he _loved_ Frank! He really didn’t want to be the one to tell his brother that they were in fact both married to someone else.

 

“Penny for your thoughts”, Sam said behind him. Luckily he had heard her aunt say her name a few times over breakfast and didn’t have to call her ‘girl’ any longer. He realized just then that he had apparently been staring into the distance for a while now, since both the dogs had toddled off and only the stick was left at his feet. Mikey turned around and smiled a little when she offered him yet another mug of coffee. He really didn’t deserve her friendliness after the way he had treated her. “Thank you”, he murmured gratefully and she chuckled when he immediately took a sip. “People always say that you guys were coffeeholics, but I never would have thought that it was this bad. How many cups have you had today, six?”, she teased him. “Seven. Not even close to my record”, Mikey huffed in mock annoyance and took a seat next to her on one of the chairs, that lined the porch.

 

They sat in comfortable silence until he murmured: “I don’t know how to tell him about Frank. But I have to before I can call our parents and Lindsey.” “Wow, sounds like you were at odds with her?”, she replied and gave him a confused look. Mikey clenched his jaw and looked out over the pond a few yards away. “She’s dating someone new”, he ground out. He really wanted to fucking punch something. Never in a million years would he have thought that of his sister-in-law. “Oh”, was all Sam said to that. “Yeah. They’ve known each other forever and the first photos popped up after three months, maybe a little earlier. You do the math”, he growled and fought the impulse to smash his empty coffee mug to the ground.

 

“Fuck. Does he know? Or… did he Know?”, Sam asked him and Mikey shook his head. “Nope, at least he never said anything, I was totally shocked when I found out. One more thing I have to tell him. This sucks! If they weren’t such pigheaded idiots, he could very well be married to Frank by now and we wouldn’t have to deal with this goddamn mess!”, he blurted out and immediately bit his tongue, but it was too late. Oh God! Great fucking job, Way!

 

“It’s okay, I swear, I won’t tell anyone. I mean, who would believe me? And your fans are already convinced that they were a thing at some point anyway. I guess that happens when you make out onstage”, she said with a shrug. “Oh God, don’t remind me, that was so gross!”, Mikey groaned and nearly felt his heart stop when Gerard chimed in: “We did _what_ _?!_ Oh God, please tell me it’s not all over the internet!” Jesus Christ, he hadn’t even heard him coming! “Of course it is, they call it ‘Frerard’”, Sam retorted with a grin. Gerard immediately flushed bright red and fled into the house. “Damn, that was close”, Mikey whispered and buried his face in his hands. He had promised to call Frank after he would be done with his tour the day after tomorrow and Gee had to know that he was actually married to Lindsey by then. He was fucked.

 

That evening after dinner they sat together in the living room. Mikey and Sam were seated left and right of Gerard and showed him a few photos of himself on their phones. They hardly got any reaction out of him, except for the few times Frank was in the picture as well. After a while Mikey held his breath and carefully picked a pic of Gee and Lindsey, but his brother didn’t even acknowledge her because Sam chose that moment to play a video of Gerard and Frank kissing. So much for that. It went on like that for maybe half an hour, but when Mikey looked at him with hope in his eyes, Gee only shrugged and murmured something about him being sorry and a headache before he fled to his room. Just great. So it had to be tomorrow. No fucking pressure.

“What kind of music did you guys play? ‘Cause that video just sounded like a whole lot of noise to me”, Tilda wanted to know. She sat on the couch next to them with Jimi and Hendrix in her lap and a cup of herbal tea in her hands. Mikey sighed heavily. He really liked his host, from what he could tell she was an awesome person, but he had a feeling that their work wouldn’t be her cup of tea. “Oh my God, I can’t believe you’ve never heard of them! This cowtown really is out in the sticks and time stopped halfway through the fifties!”, Sam cried out, immediately started ‘Teenagers’ on her phone and turned the volume up as far as it would go. Mikey grinned to himself when she bobbed her head and mouthed the lyrics during the chorus. Tilda listened skeptically and shook her head once the song was over. “Well, that was something”, she said after a while and Sam snorted. “A little more than just something! Here, this one’s even better”, she exclaimed before the intro of ‘Welcome To The Black Parade’ sounded throughout the room.

 

Halfway through Mikey spotted movement by the door and turned his head just in time to catch a glimpse of his brother’s face before he disappeared into the shadows again. Apparently Sam had seen him too, because she paused the video and got up to drag him back into the room. “Sorry… it’s just… I was on my way to the bathroom and I heard… I remember that song. Kind of. The lyrics seem familiar. I think next is ‘Your memory will carry on’?”, Gerard mumbled sheepishly. Mikey’s jaw dropped at that and his breath caught in his throat. “ _Yes!_ Oh my God, this is awesome!”, Sam squealed in excitement and gestured for Gee to sit down next to her on the couch before she showed him the video from the beginning.

 

Mikey still fought for his composure. This was the first time his brother had actually remembered something by himself. He would play him their entire catalog on loop if that helped. When Bob’s snare had faded, Gerard scratched his beard and asked Sam: “That guy with the… hair. He seems familiar. Uhmm… Randy or something? “Close enough. Ray. Raymond Manuel Toro Ortiz”, she explained patiently. “Huh. What about the drummer? He doesn’t ring a bell”, Gee wanted to know. “Oh, that’s Bob Bryar, he took over after you fired Otter in… 2004?”, she explained and looked at Mikey for confirmation. “She’s right. But when we recorded our last album in 2010, he left the band because he didn’t like the direction we were headed in. He just liked our early stuff better than what we did towards the end”, he added.

 

Gerard furrowed his brow at that and asked him: “What do you mean… or last album came out in 2010? So we didn’t release anything in four years?” Just great. Mikey took a deep breath and squared his shoulders. Of all the ‘bad news’ he had to deliver, this was still relatively easy… in theory. “Listen, Gee, I don’t know how to tell you, but… okay. A few years ago you had drinking issues. Like… really bad drinking issues. You were on cocaine and pills, as well, it was pretty nasty. You’ve been clean and sober for eleven years, but it’s damn hard, trust me, I know. Four years ago you relapsed because of all the stress and the fame, we had gotten huge and you couldn’t handle it. You pulled yourself together pretty quickly, but eventually it was either your health or the band, so we ended it. That was in 2013”, he explained and sighed when Sam added the exact date of March 22nd.

 

Gerard nodded slowly and seemed to process the information before he wanted to know: “So if all this is actually over, what have I been doing since then?” Finally, a simple question! “You’ve been recording a solo album. It was scheduled for September, but you disappeared in March. You were actually driving to see one of our friends, James Dewees, in Buffalo. He was our touring keyboardist and we even made him an official member of the band before the break up. I think you wanted him to play on some of your songs, but you obviously never made it there. Oh, and you’re an artist, as well, you’ve worked on the third book of your own superhero comic”, Mikey answered readily and wasn’t surprised at all when Sam jumped up from the couch and returned with a battered copy of ‘Apocalypse Suite’. Gerard leafed through it with a huge grin on his face. “Seriously, _I_ wrote this? Holy shit! This is so cool, I’m such a nerd!”, he exclaimed happily and immediately took his new treasure to his room to read it when Sam told him that he could keep it.

 

~ Gerard’s POV ~

 

The next morning Gerard awoke to a cloudy sky and another headache. He groaned in frustration. His dreams had only been strange, dark and convoluted images tonight. Yesterday night he had been so happy because he had remembered something, but he had hoped that more would come back overnight. Damn, this sucked! And why did it have to be a fucking song? He wanted Frank, all of him! How had they met, what had their first kiss been like, who had proposed to whom and their wedding day! Gerard wanted to know how Frank drank his coffee, what he looked like when he was asleep and how he sounded when he came, just everything! It killed him that he had only gotten glimpses of the man he loved, but actually didn’t know him at all.

 

He couldn't even tell when he had been sure that he loved him. Right from the start, ever since he had dreamed of him for the very first time, there had been this warmth in his chest. It had taken him a while to recognize it, but there was so much love and tenderness for that beautiful creature in his heart, that he was already counting the hours until Mikey would call him tomorrow. He couldn’t wait to see him. Would they kiss when they finally met? Would his memory come back the moment he set eyes on him? What would happen once they got to spend a night together? Gerard bit his lips and tried not to get his hopes up, but it was way too late for that anyway.

 

When he entered the bathroom and looked into the mirror, he frowned and scratched his beard. He had apparently never had one before. Would Frank recognize him like this? Did he even _like_ men with beards? Without a second thought Gerard reached for the shaving cream and got rid of it. He wouldn’t take any chances when it came to his reunion with his husband. Tilda even cut his hair after breakfast and Mikey smiled at him when it was done. It still felt weird at the end of the day, he was so used to his long hair by now that he stopped every time he reached up to brush it behind his ear and it was gone. But he liked it. Somehow he felt more like himself.

Gerard chuckled at that and finished splitting a can of dog food into two portions. Apparently ‘himself’ was a pretty loose term. He placed the bowls on the ground and Jimi and Hendrix immediately wolfed down the stuff. Gerard already wanted to throw the empty container into the garbage can when he was hit by the smell and an image flashed before his eyes. The hair-guy, Mikey, dirty windows and a bar… a diner? He definitely realized that he sounded stupid when he yelled into the direction of the living room: “Mikey? Have I ever eaten dog food?”

 

His brother groaned and Sam burst into laughter. “Technically no, but the muck we had to eat for one of our music videos was close enough. I nearly threw up, man!”, Mikey explained and Sam added: “Come here if you want to see him suffer on YouTube!” Well, she didn’t have to tell him twice. Gerard watched totally entranced how his brother fought his way through three forks of the stuff, but Frank’s laughter in the background was so much more fascinating. That sound would follow him into his dreams, he just knew it.

 

“I’ve been meaning to ask you… did I get this right and you didn’t tell _anyone_ where you went? Not even your… wait, do you have a girlfriend? ‘Cause you’re not wearing a ring”, Gerard observed and almost wished that he hadn’t when his brother sighed and hung his head. “Not any more. I used to be married, but we didn’t work out. Her name is Alicia, we broke up and we’re still on good terms, but the problem is that I met somebody new pretty quickly. Sarah. I really loved her and I even proposed within a year, but a friend of Alicia’s tried everything in her power to make us look like we were horrible people, she created a tumbler with photos and spread rumors all over the internet. I didn’t cheat on Ali, but she made it look like it and like my “affair” with Sarah had been the reason for the divorce. It wasn’t pretty, you can’t imagine the hate we got on social media. Eventually Sarah couldn’t take it anymore and left me. It was hard, but you and Ray helped me through it. Then I met this wonderful girl, Kristin, but you disappeared only a few days after that and I never called her back. I’ve been single since then”, Mikey explained. It was clear as day that he was far from over it and now Gerard _definitely_ wished that he hadn’t said anything.

 

“I’m so sorry, man, I shouldn’t have asked”, he murmured and desperately wracked his brains for a change of topic. “It’s fine, there’s no way you could have known”, Mikey said dismissively, but Gerard didn’t quite buy it. “So nobody knows about me, yet? Not even our parents?”, he returned to his original question and furrowed his brow when his brother shook his head no. “Why?”, he blurted out incredulously. He really didn’t get it and ever so slowly a feeling of cold dread settled in his stomach when all color drained from Mikey’s face and he cleared his throat before he took a deep breath and hesitantly met his eyes. Whatever was to come – it wasn’t gonna be good news.

 

“Because… there’s something you don’t know. When I came here yesterday, you took me to your room and told me that you thought Frank was your husband. But… but he _isn’t_. I was totally shocked and I didn’t know how to explain, so I didn’t say anything. You have a wife. Her name is Lindsey, you’ve been together for eight years. I’m so sorry”, his brother admitted, his face the picture of misery and guilt.

 

Gerard’s world collapsed like a house of cards. This couldn't be true, he refused to believe it! He felt his body rise from the couch in slow motion, but it wasn’t him, who had made the decision to move. Somehow the void in his head had expanded and there was nothing left where his heart had beaten just a moment ago. His chest was empty and his guts froze. He hardly recognized his own voice when he whispered eerily quiet: “No, _fuck you_! You’re wrong. Frank is _everything_ , the only thing I remember. I don’t know you, say what you like, but you’re not gonna take him away from me!”

 

Gerard turned around just in time before the first tear rolled down his cheek, but he didn’t make it out of the room fast enough for Mikey and Sam to miss his strangled sob. That was when he ran. He just wanted to get away, away from it all, away from a brother he didn’t know, away from a stranger meddling with his life and most of all away from his crushed hopes and shattered dreams. Gerard stumbled out of the front door and nearly would have face-planted into the dirt when he missed the stairs through the veil of his tears. He didn’t think at all, just let his feet carry him wherever they wanted, he didn’t care. There was nothing left he cared about at all.

 

When he finally collapsed, he felt straws poke through the denim of his jeans and dimly registered that he had retreated to his little den in the barn. There he had created a small nook inbetween the hay bales and hidden away a blanket, a torch and some other stuff like pencils and paper or a few cans of soda. He came he every time he needed to escape the sensory overload of the house, when he needed some time to himself and when the loss of his memories became too much to bear. Usually the quiet would calm him, but nothing could soothe the scorching pain, that seared through his chest when it finally came crashing down on him that what he had believed to be true for so long might be a lie.

Frank had been his only connection to his former life, sometimes even his link to sanity. On bad days, when he had questioned everything and nearly broken down, because he didn’t even know himself, he had at least been sure that he was the one, who loved Frank and was loved by him. He had been so certain that the man he saw every night was somewhere out there, looking for him. Gerard desperately wanted it back, that dream that everything was going to be alright, Frank would come for him and they would have their happy ending. But dreams were for fools, they let you down.

 

He tried in vain to tell himself that Mikey was wrong, that this was just a cruel joke, but deep down he sensed that the pain of losing Frank wasn’t new. He had felt it before. Gerard let out an agonized scream, that ripped through his throat and left it sore. Oh God, if only he would have hit his head a little harder and forgotten _everything_! If only Sam hadn’t come to visit, hadn’t recognized him! If only Mikey had never shown up! He would have rather spent the rest of his life as Frank Doe than feel this excruciating pain. It shredded his heart to pieces, constricted his lungs and slowly choked him until black and white points danced before his eyes. Gerard buried his face in his hands, curled up in the hay and cried until he passed out.

 

~~~

 

_It was a beautiful night, the stars were out and it was still warm enough to be outside without a jacket. Gerard sighed as he laid down in the dugout of the Little League field by his parent’s house. Being dumped seriously sucked and it was probably even worse because this was the very first time it had happened to him. Duh, since it had been his first relationship. So here he was, a depressed 19-year-old sod, lying on a bench with a bottle of booze, ‘Siamese Dream’ playing on his Walkman and feeling sorry for himself._

 

_Suddenly someone yanked off his earbuds and he opened his eyes to glare up at his baby brother. Mikey pushed his glasses up his nose and only raised an eyebrow at his death glare. “You know, this is getting old. How long do you intend to wallow in self-pity?”, he wanted to know and held his headphones up over his head when Gerard tried to snatch them back. “Fuck off, Mikes, I’m not in the mood”, he growled and felt for his bottle on the ground, only for the brat to kick it way out of his reach. Oh it was on!_

 

_The plan has been to jump up, tackle Mikes to the ground and get his fucking earphones back, but Gerard’s booze-addled brain hadn’t taken his seriously tipsy condition into the equation. In the end he got up somehow, but only managed to stumble over his feet, collapse against Mikey and knock both of them down into an undignified heap. Not quite as impressive as he had imagined it. “Jesus, seriously, you gotta stop drinking so much, dude!”, Mikey sighed and wrapped his arms around him in a brotherly hug. Gerard instantly forgot why he had been angry at him and huddled closer to the comforting warmth. “But it helps. I miss her so much”, he whispered into his brother’s shoulder. “Does it? You’re just another kind of miserable when you’re wasted”, he countered immediately._

 

_Sometimes Mikes really was too wise for his age and Gerard instantly blamed himself, because his little brother had grown up so quickly. It should be_ him _looking after_ Mikey _, not the other way around, he was the elder one! They laid side by side in the sand, looking up to the stars and holding hands. Even though Gerard had come here looking for solitude, his brother’s presence was soothing. “You know what? I’m taking you out. The Smashing Pumpkins are playing Madison Square Garden in a few weeks, tickets on me”, Mikey proposed after a while. Gerard didn’t trust his ears. “Come on, I can’t accept that, it’s too much!”, he protested, but his brother gave him one of his patented ‘don’t-you-dare-fight-me’ looks and exclaimed: “It’s not. You do realize that I can afford it because of the Disney bootlegging thing, right? So shut the fuck up and let me treat you, that’s not negotiable.”_

 

_The sky was already hued pink in the east when the_ _y_ _finally returned home. Gerard wrapped an arm around Mikey’s shoulders. “Love you, little bro”, he murmured._ “ _Love you too, Gee.”_


	4. Love Will Tear Us Apart

Mikey watched his brother storm out of the room and felt like the worst person ever. The look on his face! As if he had torn his heart right out of his chest. God, why did this have to be so hard!? He buried his face in his hands and forced himself to take deep, even breaths, even though he would have liked nothing better than to hide away in his room and have a breakdown of his own.

 

Sam’s small, but surprisingly strong hand on his shoulder startled him at first, but he found himself leaning into the touch after a few awkward beats of tense silence. “It had to be done. I feel sorry for him, too, but there’s nothing you could have done to spare him. He probably would have remembered on his own sooner or later, you only sped up the inevitable”, she whispered, but even though he appreciated the intention, her words did nothing to quell the guilt, that was choking him. “I should have said something right away! He took my silence as confirmation the day I arrived and then he overheard us talking about the stage-gay thing yesterday. We led him on!”, he ground out and squeezed his eyes shut when she flinched violently.

 

“I guess we did, but it wasn’t intentional and there’s no use crying over split milk”, she murmured, but didn’t sound entirely convinced. Mikey really wished that he could turn back time and start this entire thing over. Beginning with his first phone call with Sam. “I’m gonna go find auntie and ask her to look for him. I’m pretty he wants to see neither one of us at the moment”, she said after a while and left him to his brooding. Mikey couldn’t help but feel like he had failed his brother. He could have done better. 

 

When Sam returned a few minutes later, she carried a huge container of Non-Dairy chocolate ice cream. “You’re lucky I’m lactose intolerant, too”, she aid as she handed him a spoon and set it down on the table. Five minutes later they sat beside each other with their feet on the coffee table, a fluffy blanket covering their legs and the ice cream popped up on a pillow between them. Sam had started a movie and Mikey instantly recognized the church tower and the bad version of the wedding march. “The Rocky Horror Picture Show” never got old. Halfway through he heard the front door open and close and footsteps pass through the hallway. Apparently Tilda had returned. “He’s asleep in the barn, I left him there. Now would anyone kindly explain to me what you did to him?!”, she hissed and planted herself in front of the TV just as Eddie made his entrance. 

 

“We didn’t exactly have a choice! Mikey only told him about his wife!”, Sam immediately defended him. “His _what_!?!”, Tilda shrieked at the top of her lungs and Mikey fought the urge to crawl underneath the blanket and hide until she calmed down. Damn, that hippie grandma was scary! “Gerard fell in love with her in 2007 during Projekt Revolution Tour. They got married after the last show, they’ve been a couple for eight years and they have a daughter! I’m sorry, but that’s how it is, he had to know at some point!”, Sam explained while the movie was still playing in the background. The elder lady swayed a little and collapsed onto one of the couches, just as Frank brought out the pickax. 

 

“Oh, my poor boy, he’s gonna be devastated… He loves that man with all his heart, he talks about him at least three times a day, even though he knows absolutely nothing about him!”, she added and rose slowly in order to open a cabinet at the side of the room. She really looked like an old woman all of a sudden, her shoulders born down by the weight of what she had just learned. “Auntie, I really don’t blame you if you need booze right now, but please don’t drink in front of Mikey. He’s only been sober for a year and none of us in at their best right now”, Sam begged her and Mikey gave her a grateful smile. Probably even the smell of alcohol would be too much for him at the moment. Tilda nodded and murmured a goodnight before she left them to the rest of their movie and the melting ice cream. Eventually Sam got up to put it back into the fridge, returned with two mugs of coffee and sat down a little closer to him than before. Her need for comfort was written all over her face and Mikey absolutely felt the same. So he held his breath, carefully put his arm around her and sighed with relief when she snuggled up to his side. 

 

“Sam? I’m so sorry for the way I treated you after you sent me that picture”, he whispered and felt her tense beside him. But then she let out a long breath and said: “It’s okay. I wasn’t very approachable, either. I had just come back from Japan, I had been awake for like 30 hours and I had a terrible jet lag. I shouldn’t have yelled at you.” Mikey could only snort at that. “Oh, I deserved that and worse, actually. I’m _really_ sorry. Honestly. It’s just… after I posted all over the social networks that Gee had gone missing, I received a shit-ton of notifications. So many people, who claimed to have seen him, it was horrible. A few even sent photos, but most of it was done with Photoshop and the rest were only lookalikes. Can you imagine how it feels to hope for a miracle every single time? Only to realize that it was just a fan, who wanted my private phone number or really just any kind of attention? I’ve changed my number four times since last year, I had to get two restraining orders and I had actually sworn to myself that I would never ever answer such a message again. I’m can’t even tell you how glad I am that I did”, he told her.

 

Damn, _what if he hadn’t called her_? “So am I. But I would have tried to contact Frank or Ray if you hadn’t responded. I’m a stubborn little shit if I want to be”, she murmured with a mischievous grin. Well, he believed that immediately, but he bit his tongue just in time to not say it out loud.

 

~~~

 

The next morning the were already sitting in the kitchen for breakfast when Gerard shuffled into the house. He was wrapped in a blanket, but shivering nonetheless, and he looked like death warmed over. His hear was a literal rat’s nest with straw stuck in it, his clothes were wrinkled, he was pale and there were very prominent dark circles around his eyes.

 

“Mikes? I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that just because you were honest with me”, he murmured, his eyes firmly fixed to the ground. Mikey very nearly would have gaped at him. His brother had addressed him in a way, that he definitely hadn’t known the day before and that Mikey had missed incredibly. “Gee, oh my God, you have nothing to apologize for! Honestly, I would have been surprised if you hadn’t freaked out on me! That’s why I was so scared to tell you”, he hastily protested. 

 

Gerard nodded and even smiled a little when Tilda handed him his coffee. “I had a dream about you. The night you invited me to that Smashing Pumpkins Show, back when you were bootlegging exotic Disney movies and selling them on ebay, you were, what, fifteen? You found me out in the field and we laid there all night without saying a word”, he told him and this time Mikey’s jaw hit the floor with a bang. He let out an undignified squeal and jumped up from his chair to hug his big brother to his chest. “Holy shit, I had totally forgotten about that!”, he said, grinning widely and snorting with amusement when he discovered that Gee hadn’t even let go of his coffee, but held the cup safely away from him. God forbid someone steal his brother’s life elixir!

 

“So, I was thinking… do you want me to call Lindsey first? She’s probably gonna be mad if we tell Frankie first”, Mikey proposed and held his breath until his brother gritted his teeth and nodded timidly. He reached for his phone on the table and dialed his sister-in-law’s number. However, it rang two or three times before the call went straight to voicemail. He wasn’t exactly surprised, to be honest. “We’re not talking at the moment”, he sighed and shot Gee an apologetic look. “Why not?”, he was asked immediately. Oh Jesus, he really hoped that Gerard could take another low blow. “’Cause she’s found someone new pretty fast and I felt like she was moving on too quickly”, he explained and furrowed his brow when Gee merely shrugged and held out his mug for a refill.

 

“Good for her, fine by me”, he murmured inbetween big gulps of coffee. What the actual fuck!? “A- _E-Excuse me_?!”, he stammered out incredulously. “You’ve heard me perfectly well. I don’t love her anyway, I could never love anyone like…”, his brother started, but cut himself off before actually saying Frank’s name. Shit. Mikey couldn't help himself and blurted out: “But you have a daughter! And Frank has his own family, what about Jamia and their kids?”

 

He felt like shit the moment the expression of pure, utter horror settled on his brother’s face. Gerard slumped down on a chair and stared into his coffee without drinking it. “Really?”, he whispered and Mikey had to fight so hard to keep his voice from shaking when he told him about his daughter and Frankie’s kids. It was quiet for a few tense minutes afterwards.

 

“Why? Why are we not together? Have I never told him what he means to me?”, Gee finally wanted to know. His voice was so thin and broken, that it cut Mikey’s heart in two. “You have. You guys were… y-you were… you were a couple, but we kept it a secret from the fans and from Jamia, even though I’m pretty sure we never really managed to fool her. When Frank wanted to change that and come out to the public, you got scared and turned him down, you just weren’t ready to deal with a media scandal of such proportions. He couldn't give you the space and time you needed and got engaged and then married to Jamia in 2007. You believed until the very end that he wouldn’t actually do it, but he did. It took you quite a while to come to terms with it.

 

Then there was Projekt Revolution Tour and you guys got all touchy-feely onstage, snogging and a bunch of other gross stuff included. But at the same time you got closer to Lindsey, I wasn’t there, but Ray told me that you were constantly running from one to the other. Eventually she wanted you to make a decision. You told Frank, but he didn’t want to divorce Jamia so soon after the wedding. To be honest, I think he just didn’t believe that you would go through with it and come out of the closet after you had rejected him before. There was a huge fight during one of the shows and after the last concert you married Lyn-Z backstage. That was the end of it, as far as I know. You didn’t talk for a year, because Frank only heard from Ray what you wanted to do an hour before it happened, that really was a dick move, by the way, but luckily you realized that your didn’t want to loose your friendship over that fucking mess and pulled your heads out of your asses”, he tried to give his brother a short summary of his relationship drama. Gee nodded and raised from his chair, before he made his way upstairs, the blanket still wrapped around his hunched shoulders. Mikey could have sworn that he heard him collapse against the door of his room and cry as soon as it clunked shut behind him.

 

He spent the day trying to kill time. Every few hours he would knock on his brother’s locked door and either be told to leave him alone or not get any reaction at all. Mikey didn’t know what to do, but for now he refrained from calling their friends and family. Gerard needed time to come to terms with everything he had dumped on him first. In the afternoon Sam showed him around the small town and he actually really liked it. Especially that King Kong gas station with a small cafe and a store attached to it. He took a selfie with Sam in front of the gorilla statue in front of it, but decided not to post it in case someone asked him what the hell he did in Oklahoma.

  
That night Mikey sat in the living room with Sam again, but this time Tilda had joined them and they were passing a joint around. It had been quite a while since he had smoked pot, but after all the emotional stress of the last few days he was incredibly thankful for it. Eventually the elder woman excused herself, went to bed and Mikey and Sam were left alone. After a few beats of awkward silence, he murmured: “Can I ask you something?” He just couldn't get the image of her scarred skin out of his head and carefully touched her arm when she nodded. “What happened?”, he whispered and bit his lips when she shuddered and hung her head.

 

Mikey hesitated for a second, but then he raised his arm in invitation and she immediately shifted closer until she could lean against him and he pulled her close. “When I was sixteen years old, I had my first boyfriend. Gabe. I was crazy about him, he was so sweet in the beginning, but eventually he wanted to… get intimate, but I wasn’t ready. I was raised in Protestant faith, I always wanted to save myself for my husband. He didn’t rape me or anything, but he leaned on me until I gave in. I just told myself that I loved him so much and that he surely would marry me when I was old enough, so it didn’t really matter since he was the One anyway. Fucking stupid! He was a few years older than me and I wasn’t even legal, but… yeah. It was horrible, but he only said: ‘Next time’s gonna be better’. It wasn’t. I thought that I was gonna get used to it and that he kinda had a right to it as my boyfriend? I don’t know.

 

However, after about a month one of the condoms tore and a few weeks later I found out that I was pregnant. He was pissed and blamed me because I wasn’t on the pill. I was sixteen and not supposed to have sex, how should I have explained to my parents why I needed it? They were furious when I told them. My dad yelled at me and my mom cried for days, it was a nightmare. Dad said that we had to get married immediately, but Gabe outright refused. He came into my room, told me that he didn’t want to have anything to do with my spawn, that it was my fucking fault, that I was an awful fuck anyway and that we were over. That night was the first time I cut myself.

 

The next day my father took me to a clinic. We drove all the way to Oklahoma City, because people might have fond out that his daughter was a sinner if it had been done at home in Tulsa. I thought he wanted me to get an ultrasound to confirm the pregnancy and I didn’t realize what he was up to until he asked the gynecologist for an abortion. I cried and pleaded, but he simply gave me a disgusted look and told me that it was either ‘it’ or my family. I was _sixteen_ , I was still in high school, how could I have raised a child on my own? Eventually I agreed and by the end of the day it was gone. Dad took me home immediately afterwards, even though the doctors wanted me to stay the night.

 

I still hate myself for what I did. It was my baby, my child, and I let them kill it! I wish I had carried it to term and given it up for adoption. After that the cutting got worse. You’ve seen my arms, but it’s all over my body. I have no idea how I made it through high school, but eventually I could go to college and move out of my parent’s house. My mom is still pretty close to me, but I never could look my dad in the eyes again without thinking of what he forced me to do and I’ve never set foot into a church of my own volition again, either. My child was so easily discarded by my father, it made me question everything and it’s never been the same again. I can’t remember the last time I felt like my prayers were answered.

 

I enrolled in Art College and moved into a shared apartment with a girl and a guy. She studied medicine and was hardly ever home, but he sat in his room all day and blasted Misfits and Black Flag and other punk stuff. I had never heard something like it before and I did a little research on the scene. Eventually I stumbled over ‘Welome To The Black Parade’ an I was hooked immediately. I had only ever known Country and a few Christian bands at home and I can’t even tell you how much it helped to finally find someone, who _understood_. I fell down the pop punk rabbit hole and it’s the best thing, that has ever happened to me. You guys helped me quit cutting and I had that quote tattooed over the worst scars as soon as I had saved up enough money. I blame Frank. I never found tattoos very appealing until he came along with his goofy smile and his addiction to ink. When you broke up only three years later, I was devastated. I never got to see you play live, I would kill for just one more concert!

 

Uhm… yeah. I have kinda sworn off men in general after Gabe. There’s no point in investing my energy in a relationship, when everyone I ever cared about let me down anyway. Even My Chem. You can tell people that an idea never dies, but you’re still... gone. Aunt Tilda is the only one, who loves me for who I am, instead of who I pretend to be to please people. She’s always there for me and stands by me no matter what. She even bought this farm and moved here from San Francisco after my abortion and I spent all my holidays with her. That’s why I came here first after a year abroad, my parents don’t even know that I’m back yet, because I don’t want them to bitch about it. My family is a mess and my youth was horrible, but you guys helped me get back on my feet and I can’t thank you enough for that”, she told him quietly.

 

Mikey sat next to her, totally dumbfounded. Holy shit, he couldn’t believe it! At first she had been hesitant, but after a few minutes it had all had just spluttered out of her, as if she had waited for _years_ for someone to listen. He was speechless and simply pulled her into a tight hug, his eyes wide and his jaw tense. Stories like hers always got to him. God, he wished that they could still be out there to give their fans something to hold onto! Actually he had already buried that dream deep beneath the grief for his brother, but now that Gee was alive and recovering from his memory loss… No. He would _not_ get his hopes up! They had a fucking long way to go before that would even become an option and right now comforting Sam was a lot more important than his dreams of a comeback. Mikey held her close and whispered soothing words into her ear when she finally started to cry and let out all the pain she had bottled up inside her.

 

~~~

 

The next day was Good Friday and Mikey couldn’t believe that he had actually forgotten about the upcoming holiday. He had wanted to spend it with Bandit and Ray’s family, but they would definitely need to cancel those plans, because he wasn’t going anywhere. Gerard was still struggling so much with the constant headaches and the mass of information he had received from him, that Mikey didn’t want to take him back to L.A. yet. That would definitely be too much for his brother.

 

“I was thinking… maybe you should try calling Lindsey again? You can use my phone if you want, it might help if she doesn’t recognize the number?”, Sam offered while he sipped his second cup of coffee. They were having breakfast together and Gerard had luckily decided to leave his room again and join them. Mikey glanced at Gee, who shrugged and continued to stare numbly at his empty plate, and smiled at Sam when she handed him her cellphone. This time he was lucky and Lindsey accepted the call immediately. He put her on speaker and said: “Before you hang up on me again, I’ve found your husband!”

 

There were a sharp intake of breath and a few seconds of silence before his sister-in-law whispered: “Mikey, is that you?” “In the flesh. I called you yesterday, but you didn’t pick up”, he replied sarcastically. “Are you _serious_?”, she asked him breathlessly. Mikey gave his brother an encouraging smile and Gerard swallowed hard before he said: “H-Hey Lindsey. How are you?” She began to sob before he was even finished. “Oh my God, Gee! I’m fine, I’m… Oh God, I can’t believe this! Wait, hang on… BANDIT!”, she yelled and soon a pair of quick footsteps was heard.

 

“Hello?”, his niece said curiously. Mikey looked at his brother, whose eyes widened almost comically. Gerard took a few rapid breaths before he swallowed hard and managed to reply: “Hey B. I missed you. How are you, little bean?” She shrieked. Then she yelled “DADDY?!” at the top of her lungs. And then she burst into tears. Bandit begged Gee to come home, but Mikey immediately chimed in and proposed: “Why don’t you come visit him, princess?”

 

She sniffed and hissed: “Don’t call me princess, uncle Mikey, or I’m gonna hide your coffee the next time I come to your house!” He groaned, it wouldn't be the first time, the little mischief maker knew exactly where to hit in order to hurt him. “That’s my girl!”, Gerard exclaimed proudly. Mikey flipped him off and said: “Sorry B. Why don’t you give me your mom again? Let’s see whether we can talk her into coming over, hm?” “’Kay, bye uncle Mikey, bye Daddy, I love you!”, she replied and after a few minutes they managed to convince Lyn-Z that returning to L.A. definitely wasn’t an option for Gerard yet. In the end she agreed to get on a plane to Tulsa the next day and Mikey was more than glad when the call was over.

 

However, he hadn’t even put away his phone when Gee whispered: “You promised to tell Frank. I want to hear his voice. Please!” Mikey sighed and accepted his fate. It rang a few times before Frank answered the call. “Hey man, how’s it goin’?”, he was greeted by his friend. Frankie sounded pretty tired, no wonder, it was his first day home after the first solo headlining tour of frank iero and the cellabration. Kids were laughing and dogs were barking in the background, just a normal day in the Iero household. Until now.

 

“Listen, man, I don’t know how to break it to you gently, so I’m just gonna say it. I’ve found Gee. He’s alive and well. And yes, I’m serious”, Mikey explained and was met with dead silence. “Can I talk to him?”, Frank whispered after an eternity, silent tears clearly audible in his tight voice. Mikey hesitated, but sooner or later this conversation would have to happen. He handed his brother the phone and bit his lips when Gee stammered: “H-Hey, Frankie.”

 

~~~ Gerard’s POV ~~~

 

He waited with baited breath and clawed at the fabric of his pajama bottoms with his left hand under the table. Oh God, he couldn’t wait to hear his voice, no matter what he would say, he only wanted to… “WHERE THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN, MOTHERFUCKER?!”, Frank yelled loud enough to make his ear hurt. Gerard's breath caught in his throat. Actually he wanted to apologize for disappearing, beg Frank not to be mad at him or something, but for whatever reason he blurted out: “Jesus Christ, Frank, I hit my head during the accident, okay? I couldn’t remember anything, my entire life was just gone, there’s a fucking black hole in my head! It has been coming back in bits and pieces since Mikey got here, but only, like, one memory at a time! Calm the fuck down, dude, it’s not like I ran away and became a dropout on purpose!”

 

Where the hell had that even come from? And why had he called him ‘Frankie’, for that matter? Both felt natural, as if it were engrained so deeply that he didn’t even have to think about it any more. Mikey chuckled and fondly shook his head next to him and Sam seemed to bite back a bout of laughter. Idiots. “Oh my God, it’s you”, Frank whispered after his harsh breathing had been the only thing that could be heard for an entire minute. “Yeah”, Gerard confirmed. “Where are you? Just tell me and I’m on my way, holy shit, I can’t believe it!”, Frank wanted to know and seemed to be tossing things around by he sounds of it. “Uhm… Foyil, Oklahoma. It’s a small town like half an hour from...-”, he started to explain, but was cut off by Frank yelling: “Just tell me the name of the next fucking airport, Gee!”

 

“Wait… you’re _serious_?! You just came back from tour, man!”, he tried to protest, but Frank wouldn’t have any of it and zipped something up before he stormed down a flight of stairs. “Don’t make me google it, just spit it out! Jam, I’m so sorry, but I have to leave! Mikey found Gee, I’m gonna explain later!”, he exclaimed, followed by the unmistakable clunk of a door, a few quick footsteps, slamming car doors and the roar of an engine. “T-Tulsa, it’s… Tulsa, Oklahoma”, Gerard stammered. “Good. Let’s hope that I’m gonna get there asap. I’ll text Mikey the details. Hang on, do you have your own phone?”

 

When he ended the call half an hour later, Gerard smiled sadly and said: “He just drove to the airport. God, talking to him is so weird! I didn’t want to snap at him like this, it was just… intuitively. Wait, he isn’t afraid of flying, is he?” “Nope, that’s Ray”, Mikey explained with a roll of his eyes. Sam and Tilda had long since abandoned the breakfast table, but he had hung around (since the coffee pot still wasn’t empty). “Hang on, he made it from Butler to Newark so fast? Without a ticket? In his soccer mom wagon? He’s fucking mental!”, his brother exclaimed with an impressed arch of his eyebrow. Gerard shrugged and got up to take care of his dishes. He couldn’t help but notice the difference between the way they had had to talk Lindsey into coming at all and how Frank had practically stormed out of the house right away. He knew that he shouldn’t hope for miracles, but he simply couldn’t help it.

 

~~~

 

It was nearly seven when he finally heard the van pull up to the house. Gerard was so fucking nervous. He had managed an actual conversation with Frank this morning and he had seen a few videos of him by now, but it just wasn’t the same as standing right in front of him. Outside doors slammed and he could take no more. Gerard rushed to the front door, threw it open and there he was, huddled up in a black jacket, an equally black hoodie, a shirt and God only knew how many more layers. Plastic wrap reflected the light above his collar. Of course. Actually it was a miracle that he still had space left, he would be tattooing the soles of his feet someday soon. Gerard drank him in, his tense posture, his worried expression, the dark brown hair and… those hazel eyes. The moment their gazes locked he felt like he got hit by a train.

  
An incredible mass of images, sounds and smells assaulted his mind and flashed before his eyes. His grandma trying to give him piano lessons, his dad and the marching band, Mikey next to him while the Smashing Pumpkins were playing their hearts out in Madison Square Garden. The Twin Towers going down. A short punk kid jumping around on a tiny stage in some basement, screaming his lungs out and shredding his guitar like his life depended on it. Recording stuff in Otter’s bathroom with him doing the drum parts in the attic and Ray joining in. Their first gig. Frank’s grin when they asked him to join them and him disappearing into the van before coming up with that beautiful melody to ‘Early Sunsets’. Touring, singing, screaming fans, the first interview. The second album, Warped. Being stoned with Bert, kissing Frank for the very first time during a stupid round of spin the bottle. Drunk confessions of his feelings while lying with him on the roof of the bus at two in the morning. Sobering up. The first kiss, that turned into more.

 

At that point his head felt like it was splitting in half. Gerard fell to his knees and pressed his hands to his temples, but it didn’t help at all. Strong arms wrapped around him and held him against a warm chest. He didn’t look up, but that mix of clean clothes, soap, dogs and after shave was so inherently Frank, it made the sensory overload ten times worse. Gerard let out an agonized scream when Frankie began to whisper that everything was gonna be alright. His voice was the last straw and finally made him pass out.

 

~~~

 

When he came to, Sam and Tilda were arguing with Mikey. Apparently his brother wanted to get him to a hospital while the women told him to at least wait and see whether they could wake him up on their own. “I swear, if anyone slaps me, I’m gonna hit back”, Gerard murmured and blinked a few times before he looked around. He was lying on the biggest couch in the living room with Frank kneeling on the floor beside him and the others having a go at each other in the hallway. His headache was fucking killing him, this was worse than Frank kicking him in the balls, but luckily not as bad as sobering up… Wait… he was nearly afraid to look for the black hole in his head, but it was gone! He could have cried with relief, but Frank had realized that he had woken up and was looking at him as if he would fall unconscious again any moment.

 

“Frankie”, he sighed, “I remember.” Frank’s eyes lit up. “Everything?”, he asked him and Gerard managed a nod, but hissed when his headache got even worse. “And there’s something I have to tell you, something I should have said years ago. I made a huge mistake. Several, actually. I never should have let you slip away from me and I’m sorry for every single time hurt you. If I could turn back time, I would kick myself in the butt and tell me to man up and make our relationship public. I just want you to know that I love you, Frankie, I never stopped loving you and I’m so fucking sorry for being a coward when I should have been brave”, he whispered.

 

Frank closed his eyes and looked away. The others were still fighting in the background. “You know… don’t you think it’s a little late for that? We’re both married with children, we have responsibilities! And I’m finally happy. I’ve built a life for myself after you didn’t want me! And now you expect me to throw it all away, just because you finally realize what an asshole you were?”, he growled, stood up and looked down on Gerard with a pained, but determined expression. Gerard winced and tried desperately to hold back his tears. He deserved those harsh words and he knew it. “I’m sorry, Gee. But I won’t give up my life just for you to get cold feet again”, Frank said, turned around and left without so much as a glance back.

 

Gerard stared straight at the ceiling and tried to remember how to breathe. It had sounded so fucking final. His headache was all but forgotten, the knife Frank had just rammed into his heart was so much worse. He had felt it before, on Frankie’s wedding day. God only knew how he had made it through the reception without a breakdown. A single tear rolled down his temple and disappeared in his hair. Damnit, he cried too much these days! He heard Mikey say that Frank wanted to take a room in a motel and ask whether either Tilda or Sam could drive him there. Soon after that someone started the van and he finally let himself drown in his misery.


	5. Time to Say Goodbye

Gerard bit his lips and stared at the glass wall, that separated him from his little girl. The moment he had heard her voice yesterday morning, he had been overwhelmed with emotions. He would give his life to protect her, do anything for her. What he felt for her was different from his feelings for Frank, but just as strong and true. Gerard loved her to death, he had been sure of that even before his memory had returned a few hours later. After Frank had left he had spent the rest of the evening in a strange state of numbness. They had watched Dawn Of The Dead together, but he hadn’t been able to pay attention. His conversation with Frank had played over and over in his mind and he had forced himself to relive every single painful detail of their relationship, trying to find out where everything had gone wrong. In the end he had concluded that they both were at fault.

 

Frank never did anything by half, he put his heart and soul into everything he touched and either gave it his best effort or didn’t do it at all. The problem was, that he kinda expected everybody else to return his level of commitment and Gerard hadn’t been able to just go for it and come out to the public. He had been terrified, so much so, that he had lashed out at Frank when he pushed him too far. There had been a horrible argument, Frank had yelled at him that he deserved more than being his dirty little secret and that Gerard were ashamed of him. Gerard had shot back that Frank were incredibly selfish to pressure him into something he wasn’t ready for instead of trying to work it out with him. Frank had stormed off and gotten engaged to Jamia only a few days later.

 

Gerard had been shocked, to say the least, and incredibly hurt. They hadn’t talked more than absolutely necessary for a few weeks and neither one had been able to swallow his pride and apologize. The wedding had drawn closer and closer and somehow they had gone from secret boyfriends back to mere friends at odds. Gerard had slowly come to terms with it and told himself that he had had his chance and butchered it. Apparently he was meant to be alone and he deserved it. The ceremony was the absolutely worst thing he had ever had to endure. His heart had been torn apart in his chest while his cheeks hurt from fake-smiling and tears burned his eyes as Frank had vowed to be faithful, cherish and love Jamia ‘til death did them part. God, if only it could have been him standing beside the groom, wearing his ring and kissing him with stars in his eyes! But Gerard had paid the price for being a coward and had stood by as a silent observer.

 

Afterwards none of them had known how to act around the other. For a few weeks they had struggled to revive what was left of their easy friendship and eventually the awkward tension had faded. Until they had gone on tour and playing huge, electric concerts had added a dangerous dose of post-show adrenaline to the already volatile mix. Right after the first show, they had ravished each other in an empty dressing room, biting and scratching instead of kissing and caressing, but finally giving in to their repressed feelings. Frank had cried afterwards. Gerard had squeezed into his bunk with him that night, holding him until his sobs had died down. It hadn’t been said out loud, but they had become lovers again after that first night. Frank had felt horribly guilty for breaking his wedding vows not even a year into his marriage and Gerard had become really close to Lindsey.

 

Jamia had come out to surprise Frank, see one of their concerts and stay with him for the hotel night Gerard had been looking forward to all week. That night he had slept with Lindsey for the very first time. Only afterwards had he truly understood how Frank felt about cheating on his wife. He had told him and another huge fight had nearly torn them apart, but the make up sex had been the most spectacular thing Gerard had ever experienced in his life. After that their relationship had become even more passionate, almost explosive, to the point of them being unable to keep it off stage (much to the guys’ annoyance). But of course all good things came to an end and Lindsey had set him an ultimatum. The rest, as they said, was history. They had tried to call Frank several times today, but he had turned off his phone and Gerard told himself again and again that it didn’t hurt as much as it did.

 

Gerard blinked a few times until it registered that he was still standing between Mikey and Sam and waiting for his wife and daughter. It was already half past five, they had to arrive any minute now. Suddenly his Bandit came running towards him with the biggest smile on her face. Gerard barely managed to kneel down and open his arms before she launched herself at him and wrapped her little arms around his neck. Her tears of joy soaked the collar of his jacket, but he couldn't care less. She had grown so much since the last time he had seen her! Damn, she was gonna be six in a few weeks, how had that happened so fast? But instead of agonizing over the fact that he had missed an entire year of Bandit’s life, Gerard cuddled her against his chest and lifted her into his arms.

 

“Hey B”, he whispered into her hair. “Hey Daddy, I missed you”, she replied and pulled back to skeptically touch his short cropped hair. Gerard took in her face like he was seeing it for the very first time. She had Lindsey’s eyes, but the rest was pretty much him, the eyebrows, the round cheeks and the shape of her mouth. Her shoulder-length hair was a dark brown, a little darker than his, that was definitely Lindsey’s, as well. Speak of the devil…

Gerard lifted his chin and squared his shoulders when she tentatively stepped closer. She was the personified bad conscience. “What’s his name?”, he asked her instead of a greeting. He wasn’t even truly mad at her, he would be a hypocrite if he gave her shit for loving someone else, but it still irked him that she hadn’t even waited three months for him. Lindsey closed her eyes for a moment and sighed. “Gary”, she whispered and Gerard gasped in shock. Seriously?! “ _Gary?_ As in your-roadie-of-ten-years Gary? _That_ Gary?!”, he asked her through gritted teeth and held Bandit a little closer to fight off a sudden bout of fury.

Lindsey nodded without looking him in the eyes. Gerard took a deep breath and ground out: “Why?” “Gee, it’s been a year…”, she tried to placate him, but he wasn’t having any of it, he already knew better. “Don’t lie to me, Mikey told me something about three months and I know who I rather believe. Didn’t take you very long to replace me”, he cut her off grimly. That definitely got him a reaction. “That’s rich coming from someone, who cheated on me with his best friend from day one”, she hissed and glowered at him. Oh no, she didn’t! Actually Gerard had always made a point of not fighting in front of Bandit, but right now he didn’t give a damn. He saw red. How dare she pull Frankie into this!

 

He was already opening his mouth to really give her an uncensored piece of his mind when a small, but strong hand grabbed his shoulder and Sam whispered: “Maybe not here, okay? Let’s take this to the car before someone recognizes you.” Gerard gritted his teeth and nodded before he turned around and marched towards the exit, leaving Mikey and Lindsey to pick up the luggage. Hopefully those two wouldn't kill each other. On second thought, his brother was so pissed at his wife, he would probably be able to take her down…

 

Bandit got huge eyes when she discovered the van in the parking lot and ran a few rounds around it to take in all the colorful images. Finally she climbed onto the backseat with him, where she immediately crawled into his lap and hugged him again. His daughter beamed up at him, showing off all the tiny teeth she had inherited from him. “You coming back home with us, Dad? I don’t like Gary, I want him to leave again!”, she begged him with huge, pleading eyes. “Does he live with you and Mum?”, Gerard asked her and scowled when she told him that Lindsey’s new boyfriend had indeed moved in with his family and filled his office with all kinds of sports equipment. Just great. “I don’t think I can go back to our house, little b-...”, he said after a while, but was interrupted immediately.

 

“Can I live with you, Daddy? Pleasepleaseplease, take me with you! I don’t wanna stay with Mum and Gary!”, she yelled with actual tears forming in her eyes. God, Gerard felt his heart break when he saw her like that. If only he could have been there for her! He pulled her even closer, buried his nose in her hair and whispered: “Don’t worry, love, I’m never gonna leave you again.”

 

That was when the doors of the van opened and Sam, who had waited outside to give them some privacy, Mikey and Lindsey got in. His brother quickly took the free seat next to him, so that Lindsey had to revert to the passenger seat. Gerard steeled himself and took a deep breath. He didn’t want to fight with his wife after they had just met for the first time in a year, but the conversation they had had a few minutes ago still wasn’t over and there was no way he could hold back what had to be said any longer.

 

“Back then you told me to choose and I did. It killed me, it broke my heart, but I’ve always been faithful to you. Always. So why? _Why_ , after only a few weeks?”, he asked her. How long had that been going on? Had he only thought that they had been somewhat happy? Right now he questioned absolutely everything. “I’m sorry, Gee”, she murmured and he huffed in frustration. An actual answer to his question was the least she owed him, but apparently it was too much to ask for.

 

“Do you love him?”, he pried further and sighed when she nodded miserably. “Then I guess we should end it right here, don’t you?”, he stated strangely calm. “Does that mean you’re getting divorced? Because of Gary?”, Bandit wanted to know. When Gerard told her yes, she sobbed and cried: “I hate you, Mum!” Lindsey whimpered quietly and ground out: “I’m so sorry, baby!”, but Bandit shook her head and hissed: “I don’t care! I want to stay with Daddy!” Now Lindsey really started too cry. Her sniffles and sobs were the only sounds, that could be heard over the roar of the engine as they drove down Route 66.

 

Luckily the colorful house was enough to cheer Bandit up when they arrived and Jimi and Hendrix even put a smile on her face when they greeted them enthusiastically and let her pet them. Tilda was already waiting with coffee, tea and freshly baked cookies. The elder woman was instantly enamored with his daughter and jumped at the opportunity to spoil a little girl again after Sam had grown up so fast. Gerard relaxed a little when she welcomed Lindsey equally warmly into her home, even though his wife’s current relationship status had already been discussed at length the previous days. That was why he adored Tilda so much, she was the most open, non-judgemental person he had ever met.

 

Later on, just as the light began to fade, he took Bandit with him to check on the animals before the night. Mikey and Sam trailed along and together they introduced her to the merry gathering, that lived at Tilda’s farm. She loved it, especially the chicken in their colorful shed. Night had fallen when they returned to the house for dinner. As they entered the hallway, Gerard bid the others be quiet, because he could hear Lindsey and Tilda talking in the kitchen. He knew that eavesdropping was a really bad habit and hardly ever did anybody any good, but Tilda was just telling the story of how she had fallen in love with a marine after she had gotten married when she had been only seventeen.

  
They had met at Woodstock and seen each other for over a month before her husband found out and divorced her. She had married her lover soon after that and they had been incredibly happy for a few years before he had been sent abroad and killed in action. “It’s horrible to meet the One after you’re already married to another”, the old lady sighed and sniffled a few times. “You have to take a risk and go for it. I’m so glad I did it, at least I got to be with Thomas for a little while. But if I hadn’t, I would still be trapped in a convenient, passionless marriage, wondering what could have been. And I’m happy on my own, as happy as I can be without him”, she concluded. Gerard swallowed hard. As often as he had heard the story, it never got easier. Especially now, that he knew why it had always struck a chord within him.

 

“I _knew_ that Gerard loved Frank, a blind man could have seen it. That thought was always there in the back of my head, I never should have gotten involved with him romantically in the first place. But he was so beautiful, so funny, so intelligent and ridiculously hot… I wanted him and I was selfish enough to start a relationship with him, even though I knew that his heart would never truly be mine. God, I shouldn’t have made him choose and break up with Frank. He was so miserable after that! He pretended to be fine, we had just gotten married after all, but I saw right through him and it hurt. That’s why I feel so awful because I gave in to Gary. He has wanted me for years, but I only let it happen after Gee was gone. I know that that’s not an excuse, but I was so lonely and all the stress was eating away at me… he was a comfort. But at what cost? I’ve already lost my marriage, my daughter hates me and wants to stay with her dad and it might be the end of my career, as well! I don’t know what to do next, this is such a mess!”, Lindsey murmured and sobbed quietly.

 

Gerard bit his lips and hung his head while Mikey wrapped an arm around his shoulders and held him close. He couldn’t even be mad at her, he had been there himself. That was the hardest part, it would be a lot easier to deal with his break up if he could hate her. But admitting to themselves that they had made a mistake, weren’t right for another and should end it just like that was disconcerting, to say the least. Still, Gerard couldn’t help but be glad that he had married Lindsey back then, because if he hadn’t, there would never be a little whirlwind storming into the kitchen and demanding everybody’s attention right now. Bandit was the best thing, that had ever happened to him and he would never regret being her father.

 

~~~

 

That night he laid in bed next to his daughter and looked up to the stars through his skylight. Bandit was cuddled up to his chest and already falling asleep when she asked him: “Daddy? Can we go visit Mum sometimes?” Gerard smiled to himself.”Of course, little bean. We’re gonna work something out”, he promised his little girl. “Are you mad at her?”, she wanted to know next. So much for already falling asleep… “Not really, no. It’s just… a lot I have to deal with right now, you know?”, he told her and bit back a grin when she made an extremely serious face and nodded in understanding. However, her next words nipped any trace of laughter in the bud.

 

“Dad? Is Mum right? Do you love uncle Frankie?” Oh… fuck. With a capital ‘F’. Gerard had always made a point of never lying to Bandit, but this was bound to shatter her view of the world. He swallowed hard, his heart was racing in his chest, he was genuinely afraid of her reaction. But Gerard had spent years denying his relationship with Frank to anyone, who was blunt enough to ask him and he wanted to finally stop being a coward. “Y-Yes, B… I really do”, he whispered. It felt like a big fucking deal. This was the very first time he had said that to anyone but Mikey, Ray and Frank himself.

 

“But Daddy, uncle Frankie isn’t a girl!”, Bandit exclaimed indignantly. No kidding. “I know, but boys can love boys, just like they love girls”, he tried to explain it. Jesus, this day had been far too stressful to discuss sexual orientation with his five-year-old instead of a bedtime story! “But can a boy and a boy have babies?”, she pried further into dangerous territory and Gerard slowly started to sweat. “No, they can’t. But they can always adopt a baby I they want to”, he said and watched her face screw up in confusion.

 

“Does that mean it’s okay if a boy and a boy or a girl and a girl like each other?”, she implored dubiously. Gerard sighed. “Listen, B… some people don’t like such relationships and call others horrible names, but you can love whoever you want, okay? Never let anybody tell you who you can and can’t love, ‘cause it’s none of their business”, he explained determinedly. Bandit huddled even closer to his chest and yawned. “Good, ‘cause boys are _gross_ ”, he murmured and fell asleep almost instantly. Gerard bit back a bout of laughter lest he wake her up again. “Say that again in ten years and I’m gonna be a very happy man, little bean”, he murmured with a fond grin, kissed her hair and held her close as he drifted off, as well.

 

~~~

 

The next day was Easter Sunday. Once upon a time Gerard might have attended mass with his parents and grandmother, but he wasn’t too fond of religion anymore. Luckily Tilda wasn’t one to set foot into a church either, since the Methodist faith she had been raised in had a problem with weed. Instead she spent the morning tending to the animals and greenhouses with Bandit and Mikey. Gerard was positively roaring with laughter when his baby brother tried to convince the goats to follow him to their meadow. This was the best thing ever, Mikey was just as much of a city guy as he had been a year ago.

 

Out of the corner of his eye he noticed Lindsey, who stepped out onto the porch and watched them, snapping a few photos of Mikes in full hillbilly mode. Gerard hesitated, but eventually he made his way towards her. “Hey”, he greeted her and stood beside her in the morning sun. “Hey yourself”, she replied with a weary smile. “I’m sorry for yesterday, we probably could have handled that better”, he murmured sheepishly. “Me too”, she whispered and clenched her jaw when Bandit’s beautiful laughter could be heard from the meadow. “We’re gonna work something out. She already asked me whether we could go visit you, I’m pretty sure that she’s gonna come around”, he told her and smiled when a little bit of tension drained from her body.

 

“Thank you, Gee. I guess we’re just gonna have to roll with it, huh? Uhmm… and, by the way… I’m leaving. I get that you don’t need me here, Sam already offered to drive me to Tulsa in a few hours. I’m gonna fly back to L.A., talk to our lawyer and start pack-…”, she said, but Gerard cut her off and protested: “No, I want you to keep the house. It’s okay. I’m gonna go visit my parents for a while and figure out where to go from there. Their house is so much more familiar to me than ours, I don’t know whether I could cope with L.A. yet.”

 

“Alright. And that doesn’t have anything to do with the fact that Frank lives in Jersey, as well, does it?”, she asked him. Gerard already felt his hackles rise when she added hastily: “That came out wrong, I’m sorry. I really hope that you’re gonna be happy, Gee. And if it should be with Frank, then it was probably meant to be from the start. I’m sorry I messed up your relationship, but I’m still glad that I married you, we were good together.” “Yeah, we were”, Gerard replied and squeezed her hand reassuringly.

 

“Stay in touch, okay? I won’t loose our little girl, I’m gonna skype every day. And I don’t want this to turn into a slug fight, can’t we just go for an amicable arrangement or something?”, she proposed. Gerard smiled at her and nodded. “Yeah, we’re gonna figure something out. Thank you, Lyn-Z. I’m gonna miss you”, he murmured and followed his instinct to hug her. “I’m so glad you are okay, I never would have thought I’d ever get to see you again”, she whispered as she pressed her face into the crook of his neck.

 

They stood like that for a long time, the others were nearly done with their tasks around the farm when Lindsey pulled back and brushed a strand of hair off his forehead. “Can I kiss you? One last time, just… I think I still haven’t realized that you’re actually alive and-...”, she asked him and Gerard didn’t even think about it and leaned in. Kissing her had always been easy, it was familiar and with Frank rejecting him, he desperately needed a little comfort himself. Her lips were warm and soft, just as full as he remembered and she still tasted of her morning coffee. But even though it felt nice, the spark of passion, that had been there before his accident, was gone. It was like kissing a friend, purely platonic.

 

Gerard barely noticed the van pulling up to the house, but the shocked gasp and the strangled sob did register. He pulled back and looked over his shoulder, only to feel his blood run cold. Frank stood by the steps, that led onto the porch, and stared at him with a look of utter betrayal and hurt on his face. Tears were brimming in his eyes and he was shaking violently. He ground out: “You almost would have fooled me.” Then he turned around and walked back around the corner of the house with Sam on his heels.

 

Gerard stood frozen to the spot and felt like he was dying inside. He was petrified, his mind was screaming at him to run after Frank, but he simply couldn't _move_! “Gee. Gee! Gerard Arthur Way, what the hell are you still doing here?! GO!!!”, Lindsey yelled and shoved him down the steps. Luckily his body decided to get back into gear and he sprinted around the house just as Sam revved the van’s engine. When he finally caught sight of it, it was already speeding down the driveway, leaving a cloud of dust in its wake. Gerard ran faster than he ever had before. The receding back lights blurring before his eyes as tears clouded his vision and his lungs felt like they were on fire.

 

Eventually his foot caught on a rock and he tumbled to the ground. Gerard desperately gasped for breath, but it was no use, he was choking on his hysteric sobs. This was agony, he couldn’t take it, God, what had happened? Why had Frank even been here after he had ignored all his calls the day before? Somehow he couldn’t shake the feeling that he had just made the biggest mistake since refusing to come out to the public eight years ago. Mikey’s arms wrapped around him after a while, but it hardly registered. His whole world had burst into flames… again. And he knew only too well that he might have done something very… _permanent_ if Bandit hadn’t been with him. Except for Mikey and his parents, she was all he had left.

 

When Sam returned later that day, she pounced and tried to hit him. She probably would have succeeded if Mikey hadn’t held her back until she stopped struggling and screaming like a fucking banshee. Gerard laid in bed, barely listening as Mikey explained to her what had and _hadn’t_ happened. Instead he looked out of the window of his bedroom at the taxi, that had arrived a few minutes ago and took Lindsey to Tulsa. Bandit and Tilda were still standing on the porch and waving after her. The only thing, that penetrated the thick fog in his head, was: “…should be on a plane back to Jersey in about half an hour.” He whimpered quietly and buried his face in his pillow so they didn’t see his tears. Frank hadn’t just gone back to the motel, where he had spent the previous night. He was gone for good. Gerard had butchered it. _Again!_

 

~~~

 

The next morning Gerard knew that he looked like death warmed over even without looking into the mirror. For Bandit’s sake he forced himself to go downstairs for breakfast. Mikey, Sam, Tilda and his daughter were already sat around the table and he plunked down onto the empty chair between his brother and Sam. “You know, I’m pretty sure he would understand if you explained to him what actually happened”, Sam said after a few beats of tense silence. “That wouldn’t change anything, he was pretty clear about that on Saturday”, Gerard pointed out, his voice still raspy from crying all night.

 

“He changed his mind. That’s what he wanted to tell you yesterday. He loves you, Gerard, he cried all the way to the airport, I had to buy the ticket for him, because he was so out of it. I have no idea why you guys always make things so hard for yourselves, but I’m absolutely sure that you can fix this. Go after him, talk to him, tie him up and gag him for all I care, but make him listen to your side of the story. Apologize, tell him how much you want to be in a relationship with him and shove your signed divorce papers right under his nose. If he sees how serious you are about this, he might give you another chance. I mean… he misses you so much, it’s painfully obvious”, Sam explained patiently.

 

Gerard gritted his teeth and nodded, even though he barely dared to believe her. But for once in his life he was gonna be brave when it came to his love life and fight for Frank the way he deserved. And he wasn’t gonna stop until Frankie listened to what he had to say. “There’s a flight tomorrow morning at nine”, Mikey proposed and Gerard managed a nod. That was when Sam slid her iPod into his direction across the table. “If you want to hear his voice, his solo album is on there. It’s called ‘.stomachaches.’ and it’s brilliant. Oh, and Ray released a song by himself in January, too, you should check it out. Gerard managed a poor excuse for a smile at that. He grabbed the iPod and his coffee mug, affectionately ruffled Bandit’s hair and retreated to his room without touching a single bite. As soon as the door had clunked shut behind him, he frantically searched for the correct file and hit play. The first song was called ‘All I Want Is Nothing’ and he bit his lips when the ‘check, check, check’ at the beginning reminded him of ‘Destroya’. The moment Frank began so sing, he slowly slid down the door and listened to words he would have killed to hear him say in person.

 

All I want is you  
All I want is you  
  
All I have now are memories  
Of how you felt lying next to me  
All we are is a memory  
I used to have a best friend,  
Now just one more enemy  
  
And all I want is nothing  
Cause all I want is what I can't have  
All I want is nothing  
If I can't have just one more second of a time  
When I was yours and you were mine  
And all I want is everything we never had before,  
I still want more  
  
All I want is you  
All I want is you  
All I want is you, to want me 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo, the next chapter contains smut (not frerard, but I promise that there will be some of that eventually :P ). I've written a full version of it and one, that skips the action itself, because it's actually not necessary for the plot. Which one do you want? ;)


	6. Irresistible

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As proposed by Rprssd_Wrd, I divided the next chapter into two. So this is pretty much pwp and not necessary for the rest of the story, skip it if you don't want to read non-frerard smut ;) The next chapter is going to be the rest of what I had planned for today. Enjoy!

Mikey jerked violently and jumped out of the bed as if it were on fire. His chest was heaving as he struggled to catch his breath and wiped the cold sweat off his face. This particular nightmare hadn’t haunted him in a while and he had been so glad that it had been gone. He felt his way to the door and downstairs to the kitchen, where he filled a glass of water and chugged it down immediately. Even awake he could still see the bloody corpse of his brother lying in the snow in some godforsaken forest, his usually warm brown eyes empty and unseeing.

 

The soft tapping of naked feet on wooden floor made him turn around. Actually it was too dark to see anything, but Sam’s bright purple hair was a dead giveaway, even with the room only being illuminated by the light of the already waning full moon. “Can’t sleep either?”, he asked her while she helped herself to some water, as well. “I’ve been home for over a week now, but the time difference is still bugging me, I’m up every night”, she told him with a yawn. Mikey hummed, the image of his dead brother still making him shudder. “Nightmares?”, she said gently and he nodded with a heavy sigh. “I used to see him dead every night after he disappeared. It’s getting better, this is actually the first time since I’ve come here that it happened, but it’s still fucking with my head, even though I _know_ that he’s fine, or at least as fine as he can be at the moment”, he explained. God, this entire mess with Frank was wearing him down, as well. All he wanted was to turn off his brain and get a few hours of peace. 

 

Before he knew what he was doing, he blurted out: “Can you stay with me? I kinda… don’t wanna be alone right now.” Way to go, he sounded like a whiny child! And why the hell should she, they had only met a few days ago. Actually Mikey never let himself be so vulnerable around anyone he didn’t know inside and out and trust 100%. “Sure, I’d love to”, she replied with a smile and made for the stairs. Mikey was gobsmacked and blinked a few times before he followed her and entered his room, that was bathed in the warm glow of the bedside lamp. 

 

She scooted a little closer to the wall and lifted the covers in invitation. Mikey couldn't have resisted, even if he had wanted to. The last days had been emotionally draining and he craved the comfort of a warm embrace like he hadn’t since Gee had gone missing. He quickly closed the door, toed off his slippers and laid down next to her. It was a little awkward for a moment while they figured out how to fit into the single bed together, but eventually he ended up spooning Sam and wrapping his arms around her waist.

 

She sighed contently and he felt the tight knot of horror and anxiety in his chest loosen a little. However, just as he was about to drift off to sleep again, it registered that he was lying in bed with a young, attractive woman. That hadn’t happened in a while and the fact that he hadn’t had a good wank in days was enough to send his blood rushing to a place, where he definitely didn’t need it at the moment. Shit. Mikey prayed that she was already asleep and tried to inconspicuously move his hips a little to hide his growing erection, but of course he wasn’t that lucky.

 

“Why are you so tense?”, she whispered and Mikey let out long breath, desperately trying to find an excuse. Of course Sam tried to turn around and shifted until her hip brushed against his boner. Just great. Why was it always him?! “I haven’t had a girlfriend in a year and I’ve grown out of one-night-stands”, he muttered while his cheeks heated up. “Oh”, was all she said to that. This wasn’t awkward at all. “Sorry”, Mikey murmured and wanted to roll away from her when she suddenly ground her hips against his and her breath caught in her throat. Fuuuuuck! He closed his eyes and bit back a pathetic whimper at the friction. By now he was rock hard and throbbing, he wouldn’t be responsible for his actions if she kept this up. 

 

“Wow… uhm… you know, if you want to, I could… I mean-”, she stammered in a tight voice, but Mikey still had enough common sense to carefully turn her around, cup her cheeks and look into her eyes, that were glittering in the moonlight. “Are you sure that’s what you want?”, he asked her seriously. After everything she had been through, he wouldn’t touch her without her express permission. “Y-Yeah. I am. It can hardly be worse than the last times, can it? I mean… I’m 21 and I find sex gross and awful. But you probably know what you’re doing, so I thought that… you might change my mind?”, she ground out. Her nerves were clearly audible in her trembling voice. Mikey pulled her to his chest and held her close. She shouldn’t be afraid of sex. He would teach her differently, and if it were the last thing he ever did. 

 

“That’s the very least I owe you for everything you’ve done for my family”, he whispered into her hair and kissed her shoulder. Sam shuddered in his arms and took in a sharp breath. “Okay. Oh shit, do you have a condom?”, she asked him with a hint of panic in her voice. “Yeah, hang on”, Mikey answered and turned on the bedside lamp again. He quickly got up and reached for his wallet on the windowsill. Luckily it wasn’t expired, that thing had been in there for over three years! Upon returning to bed, he noticed the worried look in Sam’s eyes and the way she bit her lip. She was probably just as nervous as a virgin, but he vowed to make it good for her. Mikey was a very patient man if he wanted to be and taking things slow was absolutely fine with him. 

 

He slipped under the comforter and brushed a strand of her purple hair off her forehead. “Can I kiss you?”, he whispered and leaned in slowly when she nodded and held her breath. Ever so carefully he cupped her cheeks with both hands and covered her lips with his. Sam moaned quietly and leaned into his touch, her palms resting on his chest. Mikey smiled into the kiss and sucked on her bottom lip before he begged for entrance with his tongue. He sighed when he dipped into her wet heat and tasted her. She was so sweet, with a hint of peppermint and coffee, utterly addicting. Sam brought her hands up around his neck and shifted closer when Mikey deepened the kiss and snogged her thoroughly. Ever so slowly she relaxed and met his tongue with more self-confidence. Eventually he even managed to coax a few quiet moans and sighs out of her.

 

Mikey smirked and pulled back a little to trail tender kisses along her jaw and down her slender throat. She buried her fingers in his hair and tipped back her head to grant him easier access to her pale skin. He sucked her earlobe into his mouth and bit down gently, drawing a soft mewl out of her. With an accomplished grin Mikey attacked her neck with little bites and kisses, careful not to leave a mark, but no less than thorough. Eventually his tongue dipped into the hollow between her clavicles and licked along the edge of her tank top while his hands crept underneath and caressed the soft skin of her belly.

 

Sam’s breath caught in her throat at his touch, but she didn’t stop him when he bunched up the fabric until it revealed two creamy, perfectly round breasts. Mikey groaned at the sight and latched onto one of her nipples, sucking carefully while his fingertips tenderly circled the other. She tensed up, dug her nails into his scalp and let out a loud wail of ecstasy. “F-Fuck, Mikey, oh my _God_ , don’t… hnnngh…. don’t stop”, she gasped as her back arched off the mattress and she pressed herself closer to his lips. Damn, she was so incredibly responsive, she was gonna be the death of him! Mikey’s cock agreed with a desperate throb, that was bordering on painful, and urged him to get on with it. He circled her nipple a few times with his tongue before he moved on and his lips ghosted over her taut belly and even lower. 

 

Already her arousal was obvious, her dark, hardened nipples and the heady, musky scent, that became more prominent the closer he got to his prize, were a dead giveaway. “May I?”, Mikey whispered as his forefinger hooked underneath the shorts she wore to bed. Sam bit her lips and hesitated for a few seconds before she lifted her hips and allowed him to get rid of her last garments. “Just tell me to stop and I will, okay?”, Mikey whispered and waited for her to nod before he slowly pushed her knees apart and swallowed hard at the sight of her pink folds. Surprisingly, she was completely clean-shaven, which made what he wanted to do to her infinitely easier and more enjoyable for him.

 

He teasingly bit her thigh and tortuously slowly made for her folds. Mikey looked up and was met with her wide-blown pupils. Her chest was heaving and sweat was glittering on her forehead. A sight for the Gods. With a predatory smirk, he buried his face in her quim and licked a long stripe all the way up to her clit. She shrieked, jerked violently and wailed: “Ohmygod, MIKEY!!! HNNNNNGH!” Wow. That had probably been loud enough to wake the entire house. Oh fuck, this was the hottest thing in forever! By the way, she tasted great, of musk, salt and peaches.

 

Sam seemed to realize that she should be quiet if they didn’t want to deal with odd looks and awkward innuendos in the morning and clamped both hands over her mouth, leaving herself completely vulnerable and open for him to devour. She writhed under his ministrations, her hips grinding upwards to meet his tongue and her thighs quivering. Mikey sucked her clit between his lips and bit down gently. Sam whimpered desperately, spurring him on, her entire body language begging for more. He teased her entrance with his fingertip, eliciting a series of needy moans from her. When his digit sank into her slick heat, he was rewarded with a hoarse groan. A second followed soon after and before he could even search for that magic spot, that would make her fly, Sam tensed up and came all over his hand.

 

Her inner walls clamped down on his fingers and God, he couldn’t wait for his cock to be in there! Finally her labored breathing slowed down and she relaxed beneath him. Mikey lapped up the last of her juices and finally pulled back to undress in record time and rip open the condom. His hands shook when he rolled it onto his throbbing erection. He really, really hoped that he would be able to hold back long enough for Sam to come again, but actually he wasn’t sure whether he could still muster that much self-control. “Ready?”, he whispered hoarsely and prayed that she wouldn’t lose her nerve now that he was so close.

 

She reached for him with both hands and pulled him closer until she could hold onto his shoulders. Mikey sighed with relief, took it for a yes and reached down to position himself. Ever so slowly he pressed the tip of his cock into her body, that was still twitching with aftershocks. Actually he would have loved nothing more than to squeeze his eyes shut and shove it all the way in, but he caught himself just in time and watched Sam’s face for any trace of discomfort. But she only held her breath, her eyes huge and trusting and let him take her. 

 

Eventually Mikey was all the way in and she relaxed around him before she wrapped her legs around his hips. “Okay?”, he murmured and she nodded, smiling with relief. “God, yes! Move?”, she replied and Mikey obeyed eagerly. He started with gentle thrusts, gauging her reactions, slowly gaining speed and going deeper until he buried himself in her wet cunt at full force. Her fingernails dug into his back as she met his thrusts more and more easily. When her moans became louder and more desperate, he sealed her lips with his and kissed her within an inch of her life. Her entire body started to tremble, but so did his with the effort of holding back. 

 

His fingers found her clit and rubbed her in quick circles until she convulsed violently, bit into her arm to keep quiet and her inner muscles griped him impossibly tight. Mikey gritted his teeth and hammered his tingling cock as deep into her shaking body as it would go. Just a few more thrusts, just… And then he came so hard, that his vision blurred and his arms gave out. Jesus Christ, it still went on, he was a sweating, cursing and twitching mess on top of her as he squirted into the condom and gasped for breath. 

 

Afterwards they laid next to each other, breathing heavily and utterly satisfied. Sam’s head rested on Mikey’s chest and his arm wrapped around her waist as she huddled against him. “Thank you so much, that was incredible”, she whispered against his skin. Mikey smiled to himself and pulled her closer. Unlike many men, he didn’t need post-coital praise to feed his ego, but it was still nice to be appreciated. “You’re very welcome and I totally agree”, he replied and kissed her hair. She stiffened at that and her breath caught in her throat. Mikey furrowed his brow. Had he done something wrong? 

 

“Listen, Mikey… we do agree that this doesn’t mean anything, right?”, she murmured awkwardly. Ooooh, that was her problem! He was admittedly a little dumbstruck, he hadn’t even considered the possibility that this could develop into anything more than a shag. Apparently he took too long to answer, because she said: “Look, this would never work! I’m fourteen years younger than you and we’re so different, we would probably kill each other at some point and...-” Mikey didn’t let her finish and cut her off with a kiss. “You’re right. I’ve learned my lesson, I’m never gonna start a relationship with a woman half my age again, we would never truly understand each other”, he told her gently. She sighed with relief and relaxed into his embrace once more. 

 

“Good. ‘Cause you really should call that Kristin girl, after you get the Frerard mess sorted out”, she stated as if it were the most obvious thing. Mikey did a double take. “What!?”, he spluttered out. How did she even get that idea? “Oh, come on, I saw the look on your face when you told your brother about her. You still can’t get her out your head, am I right?”, she explained with a cheeky grin. Oh. So much for his poker face. “That obvious?”, he murmured and rolled his eyes at her giggles. Just great. “I don’t think that she waited that long for me, a woman like her doesn’t stay single for an entire year. I’m pretty sure she doesn’t want me any more”, he said after a while of comfortable silence. “But _you_ want _her_ and you’re never gonna know if you don’t give it a shot. At least you won’t have to wonder ‘what if’ any longer if you ask her out. What’s the worst that could happen?”, she protested immediately. Mikey hesitated and bit his lips. Actually she was right… _but_. He was yellow. “Jeez, is it just you Ways or are guys so complicated in general?”, Sam sighed in exasperation. Good question. Really good question. 


	7. Ready To Go

The next morning was rather hectic. Gerard could hardly believe how much stuff he had accumulated over the course of the one year he had spent in Foyil. He had already filled two big suitcases the night before, but there still hadn’t been room for everything. Leaving Tilda’s crazy little farm behind was bittersweet. A part of him didn’t want to go, he had felt so safe, warm and appreciated here and for once had been a nobody to the world. He had once said that he wanted to live in the woods for five years and this was probably be the closest he would ever get to that. But the anticipation to see his parents and get back to his friends, his music and his comics won out in the end. 

 

When it was time to say goodbye for good, he hugged Tilda for an entire minute. The old woman had been a literal angel in disguise, he really didn’t want to know what would have become of him if she hadn’t let him into her home and her family so selflessly. “I’m gonna miss you so much! Give the dogs a belly rub from me, will you?”, he murmured and blinked a few times to keep his eyes from glazing over. “Of course, my dear boy. Come visit me whenever you like, you’re family”, she replied and cupped his cheeks when she pulled back. “Go get that man of yours. If he’s anything like you told me, he’s gonna come around. Who couldn’t love you?”, she murmured and raised up to her tiptoes to kiss his cheek before she released him. When she bowed down to say goodbye to Bandit, Gerard caught sight of Sam and Mikey sharing a tender kiss a few steps away from them. Seriously!? He had woken up halfway through the night and thought for a moment that he had heard a moan or something, but then he had dismissed it and fallen asleep again. He should have fucking known it. “That’s gross, uncle Mikey”, Bandit grumbled and shuddered violently. Well, she had a point there.

 

A few minutes later they sat down in the waiting area, all of them in hoodies and sunglasses. Bandit busied herself with her iPod and a comic, so that Gerard took the opportunity to murmur: “Come on, was it really necessary to fuck her? Seriously, I can’t take you anywhere!” Mikey blushed up to his ears and coughed awkwardly. “Shut up, won’t happen again”, he growled. “No can do, man, come on, spill”, Gerard pried further, grinning madly and poking his brother in the ribs. God, that was the part he had missed the most, there was nothing like sibling banter, pushing Mikey’s buttons and annoying the hell out of him. His brother rolled his eyes, batted his hand away and hissed: “Fuck off, Gee!”

 

As if. He was just getting started. “Want me to tell Mum that you have a  _ girlfriend _ ?”, he teased him and really tried not to laugh when Mikey gritted his teeth and his fingers twitched as if he wanted to throttle him. “You wouldn't”, he said, but they both knew better. “Try me”, Gerard replied cheerfully and made a show of playing snake on his old Nokia. His bet was that it wouldn’t take Mikey more than five minutes to break. After four and a half minutes, his brother sighed exasperatedly and murmured: “Fine, you win, I had a nightmare, we met in the kitchen, I asked her to stay with me, my bed was really small, I’m only human, she noticed and offered to… take care of it. She was the one, who insisted it didn’t mean anything and she practically ordered me to call Kristin as soon as you and a certain someone pull their heads out of their asses. End of story, now leave me the fuck alone! ”

 

Gerard would have felt triumphant and rubbed it in Mikey’s face, but his brother’s words had brought him back to reality. Frank. For a few precious minutes he had forgotten how much he had messed up on that front. If he hadn’t kissed Lindsey, Frankie would be sitting next to him right now, waiting for their plane and coming home with him. But he _had_ kissed her and Gerard knew only too well that it would be incredibly hard to get Frank to even listen to him. He was a stubborn little fucker and would either hole himself up or drown himself in work, but he would definitely go out of his way to avoid Gerard at all cost. Gerard sighed heavily and picked at a loose thread on his sleeve. Why was he never able to hold onto the good things in his life?

 

“Come on, man, it’s gonna be okay”, Mikey whispered next to him and squeezed his shoulder. Gerard nodded mutely, but if he was honest with himself, he didn’t believe it. So much had gone wrong over the years in his relationship with Frank, why should that change now? “Sorry for being an ass”, he murmured and his brother snorted in amusement. “Nah, I’m used to it, don’t get your knickers in a twist. But I think I know just the thing to cheer you up. Hang on”, Mikes replied and fumbled for his phone before he plugged in his headset, leaned closer and handed him one of the earbuds. Ray’s contact showed on the display and made Gerard smile despite himself. 

 

It rang a few times before their friend picked up and groaned: “Mikey, what the hell, it’s six in the morning, since when do you get up before ten?” That was actually a very legitimate question. “Stop whining, Toro, here’s someone, who wants to talk to you”, his brother replied smugly and flashed a challenging glance at him. Gerard took a deep breath and said: “Hey man, how’s it goin’?” Dead silence. “Mikey, that isn’t funny. Fuck off, I’m too tired for this shit”, Ray whispered in a tight voice. “For once he isn’t fucking with you, I swear, it’s actually me”, Gerard replied and touched the video call button. A few seconds later Ray’s face came into view.

 

He was crumpled and unshaven, his hair looked like a rat’s nest and his glasses threatened to slip off his nose any moment. His eyes widened in shock and he covered his mouth with one of his hands. And then he started to cry. Gerard had never seen him like this before. Ray had always been the most responsible one, the strongest one, the one, who came the closest to mentally stable. Actually, now that he thought about it, Gerard had seen him cry exactly once, on his wedding day. “Gee, oh my God, I thought you had died in that forest”, he whispered, wiping tears off his cheeks, but grinning like a Cheshire cat.

 

“Nope, bad weeds grow tall. I hit my head and had amnesia, but somehow I ended up on a pick up to Oklahoma. I spent the last year on a small farm with the greatest old hippie lady I’ve ever met. Then Mikey showed up and Lindsey and Bandit came along and Frank as well and now Lyn-Z and I are getting divorced, Bandit wants to stay with me, Frank hates me and Mikey slept with Sam, that’s the girl who told him where I was, she’s actually the niece of Tilda, who is the old lady, who took-…”, he tried to explain, but Ray cut him off: “Gerard! Stop, slow down, man! Jesus Christ! Did I get that right and you’re getting divorced?! And what about Frank? Damn, why do you guys always get into trouble when you’re on your own? _Every fucking time!_ ” Gerard grinned sheepishly and bit his lips. “Sorry. Long story”, he murmured. “You don’t say. Just… start from the beginning, okay?”, Ray begged him in an overly patient voice. “Yes, Mom”, Gerard sighed and filled him in. 

 

About half an hour later, he finished and said: “So yeah, I think that’s pretty much it.” Ray only shook his head. He had moved on to making himself coffee halfway through and took a tentative sip of his second cup. “Seriously? That sounds like bad fucking fan fiction. I mean… come on, what’s the odds?”, their friend stated and Gerard couldn’t help but agree. “So, what happens next?”, Ray wanted to know. “I have to get my shit together, find a house for B and me back in L.A. and try to make amends to Frankie. I don’t know whether I can go back to finishing my album, but I do want to make music… somehow. But for now Bandit and Frank are most important”, he answered truthfully. Ray smiled at that. “You know, I think he took what happened to you nearly as hard as Mikey. I mean… have you heard his record? You guys are gonna sort this out, I’m sure about that. Mikes, just call me if – no,  _ as soon as  _ one of them needs their ass kicked”, he told them. Jackass. 

 

A little over four hours later they arrived at Newark airport. Gerard had spent the flight writing a statement for his fans and brooding over every single word. He felt like he owed people an explanation and wanted to get it right. As soon as they had gotten their bags and exited the terminal, Mikey looked for the eldest and grumpiest taxi driver and they loaded their stuff into his car. For once hey were lucky and the guy didn’t recognize them. Small blessings. The drive to their parent’s house took like twenty minutes, but to Gerard it seemed like an eternity. He watched the familiar streets drift by, hardly believing that he was actually back home, but being incredibly grateful for it.

  
When his parent’s red house with the white roof came into view, Gerard bit his lips and willed the taxi to go faster. He might be nearly 38 years old, but right now he wanted nothing more than his Mom. Gerard jumped out of the car as soon as it came to a stop and left Mikey to pay and deal with their luggage. Everything looked just like he remembered it, the stairs down to his basement, the white doors, the mailbox between the rusty banisters. He ran up the steps to the front door and rang the bell, praying that somebody was home. Mikey and Bandit appeared around the corner, heavily laden with their bags. That was when the door was unlocked and his mother stared at him as if he were a ghost.

 

The house might look just the same, but his mom sure didn’t. She looked…  _ old _ . Her hair was thinner and no amount of make up could hide the bags under her eyes and the wrinkles, that definitely hadn’t been there last year. Donna opened and closed her mouth a few times and held onto the wall when she started to sway. All color had drained from her face and ever so slowly her eyes filled with tears. “Mommy?”, Gerard whispered and felt his heart shatter when she started to cry. It wasn’t just plain, ordinary crying, but painful, heart-wrenching sobs, that shook her entire body. Gerard couldn’t take any more and finally pulled her into his arms. She clung to him until her nails dug into his back while her tears soaked his jacket. He couldn’t believe that he had survived an entire year without this. Gerard had to blink a few times himself before his vision cleared enough to recognize the shadow at the other end of the hallway as his father. And then he was enveloped in his Dad’s arms, Mikey joined, Bandit wriggled inbetween them and somehow they ended up in a Way family group hug. 

About an hour later they all had finally calmed down enough to have an actual conversation. Their mom had made coffee and they all sat around the round kitchen table. Gerard had just told the story of his disappearance yet again. He had a feeling it wouldn’t be the last time. His parents seemed to be pretty much speechless, but he hadn’t even dropped the biggest bomb, yet. Might as well get it all over with. “Uhmm… actually Lindsey came over, too. We decided that we’re better off on our own. I’m gonna sign the divorce papers once I’m back in L.A.. You probably know that she loves someone else and… so do I”, he murmured and stared into his empty coffee mug. If there was disappointment on his parent’s faces, he didn’t want to see it.

 

“Whom? Someone from… what was it called? Foil?”, his dad asked him after a few beats of tense silence. “Foyil. And no, someone I’ve known before”, Gerard replied hesitantly. He glanced through his lashes and sighed with relief when his mom looked at him with sympathy and his dad seemed to be more confused than anything else. “But _whom_?”, Don insisted. Before Gerard could answer, his daughter rolled her eyes and exclaimed exasperatedly: “Come on, Grandpa! Uncle Frankie, of course!” The totally dumbstruck expression on his father’s face would have been funny if Gerard hadn’t felt another sharp pang of loss and regret in his chest. Somehow he managed to finish his story, including the way Frank had left, without bursting into tears, but it was a close call. 

 

His dad was still at a loss for words, but his mother sighed heavily and said: “Well, I can’t say that I’m surprised. You were a couple at some point before your wedding, weren’t you?” Gerard hung his head and nodded. Why should he deny it when she already knew? His heart was pounding in his chest. He had never come out as bisexual, not even to his parents. Lindsey, Mikey, Ray, Bob, James and Frank were the only ones, who knew. But he would have to get used to telling people if he wanted to give Frank his everything. “For three years, summer of 2004 until the day I got married to Lindsey”, he whispered miserably.

 

“But why did you never say anything?”, his father blurted out incredulously. Gerard smiled sadly. “Because Frank was taken and we didn’t want the fans or the press to find out and because I didn’t know how you were gonna take it if I told you that I was bi”, he murmured sheepishly. In hindsight, he probably should have known that a) there was no fooling his mother and b) his parents were pretty open minded. God, why did he always have to make things so hard for himself? “So am I, by the way”, Mikey chimed in with an easy smile and a shrug. No shit. Gerard had walked in on him and Pete Wentz _three fucking times_ during Warped 2005. Luckily that bit of information distracted their parents for a while and he was able to compose himself a little. 

 

“Gerard, love, you have to go and talk to him. Take the car, or I could drive you there if you want, but you have to sort this out. It will only get harder the longer you wait”, his mom told him softly and ruffled his hair affectionately. He sighed heavily and buried his face in his hands. She was probably right, just like always, but he still had no idea what to say in case he got Frank to listen. His mother got up and returned with his wallet and his phone. “I kept it charged for you… I… I was always hoping that you would call”, she whispered and sniffled quietly. Gerard smiled sadly and gave her a hug before he kissed Bandit goodbye and grabbed his coat and the keys. 

 

His parent’s car turned out to be a pretty new Subaru, no wonder, after all he had crashed the previous one a year ago. The drive from Belleville to Butler took him nearly two hours, it was already eight in the evening when he parked in front of Frank’s house. Gerard dried his sweaty palms on his jeans. Now that he was here, his heart was racing a mile minute and he nearly felt like having a panic attack. So much depended on this conversation, he didn’t even want to think about what would happen if he butchered it. Fuck. What was he even doing here without a plan?

   
Gerard was about ready to make good of his threat when the door opened and Frank stormed towards the car. He looked furious, but his red, puffy eyes gave him away. He was just as miserable as Gerard. Jesus, why did they always hurt each other so much?! Frank plonked down into the passenger seat and slammed the door without looking at him. Gerard quickly locked it and stuffed the keys into his pocket. “What the fuck?! You’re gonna kidnap me now or what?”, Frank yelled incredulously and glared at him disdainfully. This wasn’t going well, not at all. Gerard took a deep breath and closed his eyes for a second before he said: “I just want to talk to you without you running away from me.” Frank pointedly ignored him again and looked out of the window with his arms crossed and his jaw clenched. Gerard sighed quietly and shook his head.

 

“Frankie, what you saw… we had just decided to break up and get an amicable divorce. Lindsey only wanted to say goodbye before she left for L.A. to talk to our lawyer. I’m gonna sign the papers as soon as I get back there with B. She asked me for a farewell kiss and… we are over. For good. She’s gonna keep our house with Gary and I’m gonna find a new place for Bandit and me. I don’t know where, but we’re gonna fly back to L.A. on Friday, that’s the last day of her holidays. I won’t hold you up any longer, but I wanted you to know what that kiss meant and… what it didn’t mean. God knows I wish I could take it back, but I can’t and I’m so sorry for hurting you again. I love you, Frankie and I’ll wait for you. For the rest of my life if I have to”, he tried to explain. Frank’s only reaction was a quiet whimper when he said the L-word, but apart from that he didn’t even bat an eye. Gerard gritted his teeth and fought back his tears. He knew when he had lost. His heart broke all over again, the tender scar tissue his hope for a happy ending had created was torn up and frayed beyond recognition. He didn’t know whether it would ever heal again. How much could a heart take before it became irreparable? 

 

He unlocked the car and watched Frank jump out of it and make a run for the house. Great, now he couldn’t even stand sitting next to him any more. Frankie opened the front door and turned back for the fraction of a second, just long enough for Gerard to see the tears, that were streaming down his face. Gerard hit his forehead against the stirring wheel and let himself fall apart, as well. He sat in the Iero’s driveway and sobbed his heart out. Damn, he had done by far too much of that recently. After what seemed like hours, he wiped his eyes on his sleeve and backed out onto the road. How he made it back without crashing again, he would never know. He simply sunk into his brother’s waiting arms and cried himself to sleep.

 

~~~

 

The next day was incredibly busy. Gerard spent hours talking to all kinds of people, from his label to his publisher, his manager and Dark Horse Comics. To his surprise they were incredibly relieved to have him back and everybody was really supportive. It was three in the afternoon before he got to take a break and wolf down a slice of his mom’s lasagna. Afterwards he finally opened his website and published a short version of what had happened for his fans. Next he turned to his twitter account and was overwhelmed by the sheer amount of notifications, that had accumulated since his accident. Jesus Christ, he would never be able to get through all of that!

  
To say that he got a reaction would have been a huge understatement. His phone exploded with calls, messages and notifications. Within an hour a group of reporters and paparazzi arrived in front of his parent’s house. It became worse and worse until the entire street was packed. In the end he and Mikey went outside and told them that it was indeed true and that he had returned home in order to compose himself after he had regained his memory the previous week. The screaming was deafening and the popping of the flashbulbs gave him a headache. He begged the bloodsuckers to give him some space and privacy, but in the end the police had to interfere and clear the area. Jesus Christ, that part of is “old” life he hadn’t missed at all!

 

~~~

 

The morning of his 38th birthday began with coffee and cake. His mom had whipped up a spectacular birthday breakfast and even managed to get him a cake without him noticing. Gerard squeezed his eyes shut and wished for Frank with every fiber of his being. He had just blown out the last candle when the doorbell rang. Mikey went to get it and Gerard frowned when his brother called his name in a kinda weird voice. He got up to see what was going on, but he stopped dead in his tracks as soon as he entered the hallway and laid eyes on Frank on the doorstep. He looked like death warmed over, the dark circles around his puffy eyes a picture of misery. However… he had come here for his birthday and Gerard didn’t have any words to express how thankful he was for that. 

 

When he finally snapped out of it, Frank cleared his throat, murmured: “Happy birthday, Gee”, and shoved a small present into his hands. Somehow the look on his face made Gerard pause. Exhaustion, nerviness, insecurity and… hope? Before he could really make sense of it, Frank gave Mikey a curt nod, turned around and was gone just as quickly as he had shown up. What the hell?! Gerard stood rooted to the spot for an entire minute. “What the fuck was that?”, Mikey voiced his thoughts exactly. He had no idea. Gerard ripped the wrapping paper off his first present and lifted the lid of a small carton. Inside he found a blue Hilton key card and a note: _Double_ _Tree by Hilton, Newark,_ _20:00, 12_ _th_ _floor, Room 138._

 

He stood in the hallway, staring at it while his fuzzy mind tried to make sense of it. Why would Frank give him a stay at a hotel? Mikey peered over his shoulder and chuckled to himself and said: “Well, better get cleaned up before you leave and don’t even think about giving me any gross details. I’ve overheard enough of the two of you having sex to last me a lifetime.” Gerard choked on his own spit. “What the hell, Mikey?!”, he ground out and was about ready to punch him. This wasn’t funny, his brother knew only too well how much he wanted to be with Frank, joking about it was incredibly cruel.

 

“What?! He wouldn't give this to you as a birthday present only to tell you to fuck off. So what else could one do in a hotel room? In a _Hilton_ hotel? Come on, man, do the math, it’s not _that_ difficult.”, Mikey drawled with a wicked grin. Oh… _Oh!_ In retrospect Gerard was incredibly grateful that nobody had taken a photo of him in that moment. His jaw literally dropped to the floor. It had been eight years. Eight fucking years! He was so afraid to believe what his brother and the rational part of his brain were telling him. God only knew how he would cope if he showed up there this evening, expecting it to finally be their happy ending, only to be disappointed one more time. 

 

“Dad? How can two guys have sex? That doesn’t work!”, Bandit suddenly asked him from the doorway. Oh God, please no! Gerard was in no condition to handle such a difficult topic right now. Lindsey had given Bandit the talk a few days before his accident after she had asked them what sex was, but he felt in no way qualified for that. Therefore he made a run for the stairs and ground out: “I’ve got cleaning up to do. You tell her, Mikes!” He was halfway up the stairs when he heard his brother cry out: “What the hell, that’s your job, you’re her father! I don’t even know how it works!” Ha, as if! “Pete Wentz says you do!”, Gerard yelled back before he slammed and locked the bathroom door. He would have to pay for that later, but for now he had bigger problems, like deciding what to wear tonight. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only one more to go (and there's gonna be very little plot... ;) ). Anyway, I know that Gerard's parents are actually divorced, but new partners would have added even more characters to this and made things unnecessarily complicated. Sorry for the inaccuracy, I'm trying to research my stories to the best of my ability, but every now and then I take a few liberties. :)


	8. Holding on to You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Huge thanks to everyone, who kept reading! 
> 
> There is a song featured in this chapter. Here's the link if you're interested: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S6ABrMWhcvI

The day flew by a lot faster than Gerard would have liked. He received a few presents from every single member of his family and around three in the afternoon a parcel from Lindsey was delivered, that contained some of his favorite clothes, a selection of art supplies and a few of his favorite comics. However, he couldn't really focus on any of that since all he could think of was the night ahead. Before he knew it, it was seven in the evening and he was ready to go. Well, he didn’t _feel_ ready, but objectively he was. Mikey hugged him goodbye and whispered: “I swear, I’m gonna end him if this isn’t exactly what I think it is!” Gerard managed a weak smile and a nod. He kissed Bandit’s hair and tried to ignore the totally weirded out looks she had given him ever since he had fled to the bathroom in the morning. He was still trying to decide whether he actually wanted to know what Mikey had told her or not. Whatever. 

   
The drive to Newark took only 45 minutes and he was already so worn-out by his constant state of anxiety, that he ran over two red lights and nearly would have crashed a few times. The hotel itself was pretty impressive, a lot bigger and fancier than he was comfortable with, to be honest. Somehow he managed to park his parent’s car and get inside and into an elevator without panicking. Ever so slowly the little red numbers crawled to twelve and he entered an elegant corridor. It took him a while, but eventually he stood in front of room No 138\. So, this was it. He took a deep breath to calm his nerves and racing heartbeat. Unfortunately it didn’t work at all. Theoretically he still had five minutes to get in there… but Gerard knew himself well enough to realize that he would probably work himself up even more and chicken out of it if he waited that long. So he held his breath and fumbled for the key card Frank had given him in the morning. 

 

The suite turned out to be a pretty modern, fancy affair. There was a living room with a big couch, a huge TV, a kitchenette and a dining area. Frank was seated on the sofa, an acoustic guitar in his lap and an anxious, nearly panicked expression on his face. Before Gerard could do so much as step into the room and say hello, he cleared his throat and began to play. 

 

I hope somebody misses me when I'm gone.  
I hope somebody misses me when I'm gone.  
I know it ain't right to want someone to cry,  
I just hope you miss me when I'm gone.  
I just wish I knew which way I was going.  
  
I know I've loved you all my life.  
I swear I've loved you all along.  
From the first time I laid eyes, until the day I die,  
I know I'll love you until the end of time.  
If you cross my heart I'll hope to die.  
  
It's been this way all my life.  
I swear I've been a loser all my goddamned life.  
Some people, they get up after life has beat them down.  
Pretty sure I never made a sound.

Hell, I don't think I ever got off the ground.  
  
But the place that we end,  
Ain't always where we began.  
And since I'm telling the truth,  
I just hope I end up with you in my arms.  
  
I hope somebody notices I was here.  
I hope somebody notices me while I'm here.  
And I don't long for much, I just wish I had your love.  
God I hope you loved me being here.  
Hope to God you loved me being here.  
Because whenever I'm away I just wish that I could stay  
Right by your side forever more.  
Stuck in your side forever more.

 

By the time he was finished, tears were streaming down Gerard’s face. Frank had always been so sincere when it came to his music. There was no bullshit in his songs, it was 100% him. That was why a sung declaration of his love meant so much more than those three words alone, they were said so easily. But this had come straight from Frank’s heart and it was broken, dark, but incredibly beautiful, just like the man himself. Gerard literally couldn’t move, he was so overwhelmed by his feelings that he simply stood rooted to the spot and sobbed into the back off his hand. Eventually Frank got up and stepped closer until they were only a few feet apart. “I wrote it for you tonight. It’s called ‘Miss me’, ‘cause all those years, I was hoping that you missed me just as much as I missed you”, he whispered shakily and bit his lips, his eyes darting everywhere around Gerard, but never meeting his.

 

“I did. Fuck, I missed you so much, ever since that moment you walked out the door after the big fight at Paramour Mansion. You have no idea how much it hurt to watch you get married to someone else and think that it could have been me every second of that day. Did you know that I relapsed that night? I only got down a few shots before Mikey found me and punched me in the face”, he murmured softly. Gerard tentatively held out one of his hands and prayed that Frank would take it. He did. Ever so carefully his fingers touched his skin, his wedding band notably missing. Gerard could take no more. He grabbed Frank’s wrist and yanked him forwards before he wrapped his arms around his body and held him as tightly as he could. 

 

Frank clung to him as if he were a live-saver in the middle of the ocean. Gerard buried his nose in his hair and breathed in his scent of soap, fresh clothes, dogs and his after shave. That was the moment he finally felt like being home again. They say ‘home is where the heart is’ and he had never understood how true that was until now. Frank was his home. He always had been. “So… if I told you that I changed my mind… would you give us another chance?”, Frank whispered barely audible. Gerard’s heart skipped a beat before it swelled in his chest until he could hardly breathe. “YES! Yes, yes, yes, of course I would!”, he blurted out without even thinking about it. Frank pulled back, beamed at him and said: “Good. Guess that makes you my boyfriend.” Gerard’s heart burst with happiness. He had already lost hope that he would ever hear those words from him. However, a nagging small voice in the back of his head kept whispering a single word, that had him pause and frown. ‘ _Jamia.’_

 

“What about your family?”, he whispered and bit his lips. God knew, he didn’t want to be the reason why Frank lost his kids. He loved them so much, that could very well be the blow, that broke him for good. His boyfriend (damn, even thinking it felt great!) sighed heavily and pulled him over to a small table in the corner, where two big boxes of pizza and a few cans of soda were waiting for them. Just typical. Trust Frank to get a room at a Hilton hotel and then order pizza, because he didn’t like the gourmet food, that was served here. But Gerard was incredibly thankful, he didn’t have the nerve to deal with complicated dishes one had to dissect with the precision of a neurosurgeon anyway. 

 

Frank bit off a piece of his vegetable pizza and said: “Alright, I guess I better start at the beginning. Uhm… Ray called me up yesterday night. I think it was around ten or eleven or something. He knew what happened, I suppose Mikey set him on me. Anyway, he bawled me out, dude, it was insane! I can’t remember the last time he was so pissed at me! He pretty much ordered me to finally talk to Jamia and I did. Gee… she already knew. She told me that she had been suspicious from the beginning and that Lindsey had confirmed it a few years ago when they got drunk together on a girl’s night out. She’s been waiting for me to be honest with her for years and I feel so shitty about it, man! 

 

In the end she wanted me to make a decision, because she refused to take up with this ‘fucking limbo’, as she called it, any longer. And I… well, I decided on you. Because I know that I couldn't stand watching you find somebody else _again_. I’m gonna miss her, I have no idea how the kids are gonna take it or how the hell we’re gonna cope with our families on opposite sides of the country, but I know that I want to be with you. Because I love you more than anything and you’re all I ever wanted. I’d even move to fucking L.A. with you if that’s what it takes, but… promise me that we’re gonna make it this time. I don’t care whether it’s true or not, just lie to me. I’m so fucking afraid to lose you again, I couldn’t take _another_ break up.”

 

Gerard quickly got up and pulled him into a hug. He had sounded so small and desperate towards the end, Gerard had never known that Frank had suffered from their separation just as much as he had. “Frankie, I swear that I’ll never let you go again. You’re stuck with me now, good luck getting rid of me. We’re gonna be a family, you, me, Bandit and your two million dogs… Oh shit, I actually forgot that you only come in a package deal with the furry little monsters!”, he murmured and tried to come to terms with the fact that he would probably be covered in dog’s hair for the rest of his life. Just great. At least it got a chuckle out of Frank and that made it definitely worth it. Suddenly his boyfriend pulled back, beamed at him and clashed their lips together. 

 

Gerard moaned deep in his throat, his fingers clawing desperately at Frankie’s hair and jamming their mouths together. God, how long had he been dreaming of this moment? And now that it was finally, finally, _finally_ happening, it nearly felt surreal, because he was so busy committing it to memory that he forgot to live in the moment and savor every millisecond of it. Then Frank’s hot tongue slipped between his lips and wrapped around his. Gerard pounced on him, he couldn’t help it. His entire body was screaming for more, more, more as he devoured Frank whole. He had him pressed up against the nearest wall, one of his legs shoved inbetween his and ground his clothed erection against Frankie’s hip. A wave of heat rushed through him, erasing every last scrap of coherent thought and leaving nothing but overwhelming desire in its wake. 

 

It felt like they were melting into one, they were so close, breathing each other in as if they were addicts and the other their drug of choice. Gerard's coat hit the floor with a dull thud and Frank’s nimble fingers immediately attacked the button-down he wore underneath. He impatiently pulled at Frank’s hoodie until he shrugged out of it. Gerard groaned with frustration when he realized that his boyfriend was wearing no less than four layers beneath it. “Off. _All_ of it!”, he demanded and smiled when he was flipped off by his little notorious popsicle. Before he knew it, Frank grabbed his wrist and dragged him to the bedroom, where a huge king size bed dressed in crisp white sheets was waiting for them. The room was pretty classy, but Gerard only had eyes for the way Frank’s jeans were riding low on his hips and hugging his ass. A few steps into the room, he yanked him back against his chest, so that his back was pressed against his front. Gerard gasped for breath at the first scourging contact of skin on skin and hissed into Frank’s ear: “I’m pretty sure I said _all of it_!”, while he flicked open the button of his jeans and shoved them down his legs. 

 

His mouth went bone dry when he realized that Frank might have worn five layers of shirts and jumpers, but had gone commando for him. It was that kind of weird he loved the most about him. Gerard immediately buried his face in the crook of his neck and carefully traced the fresh tattoo of roman numbers with the tip of is tongue. He could feel the little welts, it still wasn’t completely healed and tasted faintly of cream, but it was the most delicious thing in the world to him. His hands moved around Frank’s torso and down, down, there was no teasing or holding back, this was what they both wanted, what they _needed_ and Gerard was damn well gonna get on with it. His fingers traced his boyfriend’s happy trail and carded through the soft curls around his cock before he finally closed his fist around it. The hoarse moan, that ripped out of Frank’s throat, went straight into his spank bank. 

 

Gerard gripped him tighter, held him in place with his other hand around his throat and started to wank him mercilessly. Frank arched into his touch, his breathing already incredibly fast and shallow. Gerard gathered up his precum to smooth the glide of his hand, he circled his thumb around the head and pressed it into the slit. Frank whined at that, his blunt nails scratching at Gerard’s hand around his neck. It wasn’t tight enough to choke him, not by a long shot, but Frank was a slut for being held down and Gerard remembered only too well how to push his buttons. “You want to come? Just like that, all over the carpet?”, he purred into his boyfriend’s ear. That was another one of Frank’s kinks, one Gerard actually shared. He _loved_ doing it wherever they wanted and not giving a fuck about it. Like teenagers, who carved their names into their school desks. It felt incredible to leave behind some kind of mark, hidden in plain view, but only for them to know. 

 

“Fuck! Oh God, y-yes, make me cum, Gee!”, Frank gasped, his thighs shaking and his body taut as a bowstring. Gerard chuckled darkly, a sound that had always gotten his boyfriend off like clockwork. “I’m gonna make you squirt all over the place!”, he hissed and held his breath when Frank’s head dropped back against his shoulder and he made that cute little ‘hnnngh’-sound he could never suppress before he came. “Just do it”, he whispered and felt him shatter beneath his hands. Frank choked on his breath and yelled: “F-Fuuuuck, yesyesyesy-… hnnnngh! Oh God, Gee, I’m… _I’m-_ … AAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!” Gerard very nearly lost it when he felt Frank pulse in his hand and shoot all over the carpet, coating it in white. He had no words to describe how much he had needed that, even though his own cock was still painfully throbbing with need. 

 

Frank went pretty much limp in his grasp and he lifted him up to carry him to the bed. His boyfriend let out an involuntary squeak when he lost his footing and clung to his neck. Gerard smiled down at him and couldn’t help but feel accomplished. Daily physical labor at Tilda’s farm had definitely helped with getting him into shape. He had never been healthier and had definitely never had such muscles before. It wasn’t a six pack, he loved his soda and his candy too much for that, but his arms were pretty impressive if he said so himself. Ever so carefully he lowered Frank to the mattress and finally got rid of his shoes, socks and jeans. He sighed with relief when his long neglected cock sprang free and crawled into bed next to Frank.

 

His boyfriend smiled at him and dug his nails into his biceps. “You’re fucking hot, you know that? God, those  _ muscles _ ! Jesus Christ, I have to work out!”, Frank slurred, still a little dazed after his orgasm. Gerard chuckled to himself. “No, you don’t. You are absolutely perfect, just the way you are. And by the way, I really dig the new ink. I’m gonna bite every single one of those tattoos and everybody’s gonna see that you’re mine!”, he growled and smiled with triumph when Frank shuddered violently and his pupils dilated. A quick glance down confirmed his suspicion. His boyfriend was already half hard again. “Geez, what’s your age again? Seventeen?”, he murmured and shook his head fondly before he kissed those irresistible lips once more. 

 

Slowly but surely he lost the fight against his own arousal. If he didn’t get some kind of relief very soon, he was literally gonna _die_. “You know… I actually prepped myself already. I was kinda hoping that we would end up here at some point”, Frank whispered into his ear. Now it was Gerard’s turn to shudder. There was a small bottle of lube hidden in his jacket, just in case, but this was infinitely better. Frank propped himself up on his elbows and spread his legs in invitation. “Come on, Gee”, he begged him and Gerard didn’t have to be told twice. He stuffed a pillow beneath Frankie’s hips, quickly slipped inbetween his thighs and hummed appreciatively when his fingertips found him already lubed up. He spotted the bottle on the nightstand and poured some over his fingers before he placed two of them on his boyfriend’s pucker and watched them sink into him.

 

Frank took it really well, he pushed down immediately and begged for a third one. Gerard complied happily and felt his cock twitch with anticipation when his boyfriend managed it easily. He crooked his fingers to search for Frank’s sweet spot, a little to the right if he remembered correctly (of course he did, who was he kidding). There it was, if the violent jerk of his entire body was anything to go by. Gerard massaged it in wicked little circles and watched Frank come undone under his touch. He truly was a sight for the gods – his dark hair was plastered to his forehead, his mouth wide open in abandon, his tattoos were covered in a thin sheet of sweat and his hazel eyes heavy-lidded and dark. As soon as he caught the little ‘hnnngh’-sound, Gerard pulled back his fingers and gripped the base of Frank’s cock to stave off his orgasm.

 

His boyfriend protested with an agonized cry, but Gerard didn’t even let him get a word in, lubed himself up and shoved the tip of his cock into Frank’s desperately fluttering hole. He paused for a moment to pull himself together, but that didn’t work due to Frank’s literally pornographic moan. “What the fuck are you waiting for? Get inside me! Now!”, his boyfriend demanded as his hips twitched upwards and his hands came to rest on Gerard’s ass to push him in deeper. Gerard bared his teeth when he felt the bite of Frank’s nails and thrust home with a hoarse cry. Unnngh, it was so fucking good! Frank was so hot, so tight, so perfect! Gerard's eyes crossed at the feeling. He had to bite back a sob when he realized that it was finally happening again, after all those years. 

 

Gerard rested his sweaty forehead against Frank’s. “I love you so much, Frankie”, he whispered before he was overwhelmed by his feelings and his throat closed up for good. Frank’s eyes softened as he wrapped his legs around his hips while his arms came up and his hands cupped Gerard’s cheeks. “Love you too, Gee", he murmured in response and kissed him so tenderly that the sob tore out of Gerard’s chest after all. God, crying during reunion sex was not what he had imagined himself to do tonight! Ever so slowly he began to undulate his hips and grind into his boyfriend. He pulled out nearly all the way before he slid back in, savoring every second and watching his hot tears fall onto Frank’s cheeks. It was too much, he felt like he was torn apart and put back together, all at the same time. Eventually his thrusts became sloppy and his breath sped up to match his racing heartbeat.

 

Frank was writhing beneath him, his nails leaving long scratches all over Gerard's back. “Please, Gee, I’m so close!”, he whimpered and wailed when Gerard shifted slightly and nailed his prostate dead on. Gerard kneeled up and grabbed Frank’s hips hard enough to leave bruises. He finally let himself go and thrust into him with all the strength he could muster, forcing his cock as deep as it would go. The breathless moans and hoarse cries he coaxed out of Frank were a symphony of lust, that had his head spinning and his blood boiling. ‘Hnnngh!’ They were both teetering on the brink of the abyss and he was ready to jump. Gerard grabbed Frank’s flushed, leaking cock and jerked him off relentlessly. He watched his boyfriend’s face contort in helpless pleasure, his eyes squeezed shut and his mouth open in a silent cry. And then Frankie’s back arched off the mattress as he pressed himself onto Gerard's shaft and clawed at his pillow while the most glorious roar of completion escaped his throat.

 

Gerard felt him tighten and pulse around him. Next came a feeling of weightlessness before liquid fire raced through his veins and he exploded. He wanted to cry out, but couldn’t make a sound. White hot ecstasy fizzled up his spine as his cock erupted into delicious spurts and was milked for all it was worth. Frank’s come splattered against Gerard's belly and chest while he came inside him, totally blissed out and lost to the world. God, if only he could stop time and live in this moment forever! Somehow Gerard managed to roll off before he collapsed onto Frank. They laid side by side, their legs still intertwined and their hands clasped together, basking in the afterglow and trying to catch their breaths. “That was fucking perfect”, Frank whispered next to him and Gerard couldn't help but agree. “I love you”, he murmured once more, already feeling his eyelids drop. “Love you too”, Frank replied, barely understandable through his yawn.

 

“We never finished the pizza”, Gerard realized, even though he had no idea why his fuzzy mind decided to think of that right now. “Fuck the pizza, I’m not moving”, Frank groaned and snuggled up to Gerard's side, throwing an arm across his chest and burying his face in the crook of his neck. Gerard smiled to himself and pulled the comforter over the both of them. His boyfriend huddled even closer and sighed contentedly before his even breaths indicated that he was asleep already. Gerard looked up at the ceiling and grinned like an idiot. He had no idea how they were gonna sort out their divorces and be there for their children, how the hell they were gonna come out to the public and how people were gonna take the news, but he knew that they would find a way. Just not today. For now he was completely, perfectly and unconditionally happy. The man of his dreams was sleeping in his arms and he couldn't help but think that it had taken a car crash, a head injury and a year as a hillbilly to get him here. Who would have thought? 


End file.
